Hello, and thank you for reading this week’s edition of Classy Texting. Here at Classy Texting, we help make sure your texts stay classy — all day, every day.

The making of a sophisticated textual message begins with a purpose, or subject, from which the focus of the message will be derived. Common texting subjects include (but are not limited to): small talk, comings and goings, scheduling, movies, embarrassing skin deformations and facetious flirtations.

Before you compose your message it may be helpful to consider a few subject-oriented questions: What day and time are you meeting with Budgen? Does he need exact GPS coordinates to know where to dump the bodies, or will a simple street address do? Does Denise really need a picture message of the lesions on your lower back? Are two winking smilies two too many? Will you ever find love?

Once the subject of your message-in-embryo has been conceived, it’s time to choose the words that will push that baby through the canal of class. Distracting diction can be detrimental to the classiness of your message, whereas pleasing prose can procure praise. When crafting text messages, do not be afraid of using sophisticated words like “gilded” or “parabola” to make your messages more meaningful. Although some outside of the erudite leagues may not always understand you, they will fear the breadth of your vocabulary as seen in the following example: “Mr. Smith please finish your project by week’s end, else I shall be compelled to revoke your annual gilded parabola bonus.”

Always consider the recipient of your message. The following examples illustrate how a simple message seeking to confirm the meeting of two parties on a Monday afternoon changes drastically depending on who is the intended recipient:

Acquaintance Message: “Are we still on for Monday at noon?”

Bro Message: “Dude, is Monday gonna be sick or what?”

Girly Friend Message: “Suppper excited for Monday yay! 🙂 😉 :)”

Potential Mate Message: “Monday still a go? I’m excited :).”

Queen of England Message: “Is her Majesty yet planning on accompanying Sir Roundbottom and me at high noon this coming Monday?”

There are those who would say that texting is a lesser form of communication belonging to the same bracket as passing notes or congressional speeches. Indeed texting can be a refuge for the aloof, uncaring or uninterested. But here at Classy Texting you’ll learn how to elevate your texts. You’ll find what you need to be ready for all of your textual experiences — no matter what situation you find yourself in.

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