It’s beginning to look a lot like spring, and as the weather warms up, so does our need to freshen up our online dating profiles. You might be asking yourself if that outdated photo of yourself from 2011 still looks like you … chances are, it does not. Well, I have some tips and tricks on how to update your profile to make sure you get the most attention online as possible, because who doesn’t want to be super-liked on the Internet?
Change your photo:
Make sure the photo you post features you and about five other people of the same gender. The goal here is to confuse someone and keep them guessing. Why should they get to know what you really look like when they might be a cat in a human body suit? People don’t really want to know what you look like until they’ve decided you are actually worth their time.
Make yourself younger or older:
Are you trying to appeal to people who are in their mid-30s but you just turned 20? Change your birthdate! Who cares if you look like a little kid on Christmas in your profile picture? As long as the profile tells them you’re 29, everything will be great! But wait, what if you’re too old? Change your birthdate again! No one needs to know you are about to go over the hill. That’s your business.
Spruce up your written profile:
Do you like to read? If yes, say no. Do you like to cook? If yes, say no. Do you like long walks on the beach and galloping down that same beach on a horse? If no, say yes. The goal here is to confuse people and make your profile so unlikeable and basic that people will have to like you. I mean, everyone likes long walks on the beach when it’s raining and 10 degrees outside. I know I do.
Like everyone else:
The key to getting noticed is to notice everyone else, right? Go to every dating land out there and start your super basic profile with the picture of your five good-looking friends (*and yourself) and then get your mouse moving. Start by saying yes, and then once you have matches, message everyone the same thing: “Do you like cheese?” The question is so generic that it’s guaranteed to get a response, because who doesn’t like cheese?
After becoming an expert in online dating you’ll be able to share this knowledge with all of your friends. Everyone will come to you for advice on how to score the hottest online date and, who knows, maybe you’ll even find your beach walking, horse-loving, handsome other half because if you do, it’s obviously going to last.
