I give “Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice” a solid one out of ten.
It was so bad that I have trouble articulating how bad it was. Since the screening I attended last Friday night, a few people have asked me my opinion and all I’ve managed to produce is a series of drawn-out vowels and frustrated grunts. If you would like to know what this sounds like, go see “Batman v Superman,” because the script-writers seemed to have the same problem. Most people have seen its 28 percent rating on Rotten Tomatoes by now, but just to put that into perspective, “Twilight: Breaking Dawn – Part Two” managed a significantly higher rating (49 percent).
Let me put it this way: if you’re looking for a confusing mix of poorly connected scenes, gag-worthy clichés, plot holes within plot holes within plot holes and relentless racism and sexism, then “Batman v Superman” is the film for you.
The film starts out with what is either a dream sequence or a flashback of young Bruce Wayne at his parents’ funeral. One would hope that it is a dream sequence, given that it ends with a horde of bats physically lifting Bruce Wayne off his feet so he can pose like emo Jesus several feet off the ground, but really, who knows? It’s not like the rest of the film obeys the rules of logic.
We then flash forward to the reason for Batman’s grudge against Superman — at the end of “Man of Steel,” Superman’s fight with General Zod resulted in massive loss of life and the destruction of most of Metropolis, including one of Bruce Wayne’s office buildings. He sees the building collapse, killing many of his employees and has an inexplicable interaction with a shell-shocked little girl who informs him that her mother was inside the skyscraper.
Batman is traumatized. He does not like Superman at all. He justifies his hatred with several heavy-handed discussions about the morality of power with his butler Alfred (Jeremy Irons). He also says that if there is even a slim chance Superman could pose a threat to humanity, he must be eliminated. This line solidified him as the superhero version of a white Congressperson. Bruce Wayne probably supported the war in Iraq.
But at least his reasons are better than Superman’s — Clark Kent is mad at Batman because Batman did a mean thing to a criminal.
Throughout the movie, Mark Zuckerberg, er, Lex Luthor (Jesse Eisenberg) manipulates these hurt feelings to spark a confrontation between the two heroes. He also resurrects General Zod in the form of the Cave Troll from “The Fellowship of the Ring” and shoves Lois Lane off a building. You can tell he is a real villain because of these nefarious actions. Otherwise you might be confused and assume that he is just a know-it-all grad student at MIT. The true art of this film is how it blurs the line between the two.
As for you feminists out there, don’t worry — unapologetic misogyny abounds. As if Superman’s condescending relationship with Lois Lane wasn’t enough (Amy Adams tried her best to make her character seem competent, but that’s an impossible task when the film victimizes Lois every 10 minutes), we also have Superman’s mom being used as bait. And Wonder Woman, who kicks ass but also has the internalized-misogynistic line “I don’t think you’ve ever known a woman like me” (as if there’s something wrong with other women). It’s like Zack Snyder literally could not conceive of a woman playing a role that didn’t fit neatly into one of the classic woman tropes: Lover, Mother or Warrior.
If you’re okay with sexism but not racism, “Batman v Superman” has STILL got you covered with the scene where Superman is surrounded by people of color who bow down, lift their hands and apparently worship him. In the following scene, the media calls Superman a savior and compares him to Jesus Christ. Friendly reminder: Jesus wasn’t white and historically, white people have done far more harm than good to people of color. The White Savior trope isn’t just problematic, it’s also hella wrong. Zack Snyder has certainly secured the support of crucial minority audiences: colonialists and imperialists.
I wish I could compliment anything about this movie. The acting? Nope — the most defined bit of Henry Cavill’s performance was his chin dimple, and sorry, Ben Affleck, but stoic suffering doesn’t count as good acting unless you’re as delusional as the Academy (see: “The Revenant”). The soundtrack? I mean, it did speak to me. It communicated: This is the most pretentious, melodramatic excuse for a film since “Man of Steel.” The writing? Well, there’s always my favorite line, when a military staffer informs the president over speakerphone that the monster Lex Luthor unleashed is, and I quote, “unkillable.” The effects? They were…expensive.
In the end, “Batman v Superman” can’t be redeemed. The real dawn of justice would be if someone nuked this movie, but I don’t think you can. It’s…unkillable.
@EmilyJuchau