The University of Utah's Independent Student Voice

The Daily Utah Chronicle

The University of Utah's Independent Student Voice

The Daily Utah Chronicle

The University of Utah's Independent Student Voice

The Daily Utah Chronicle

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Write for Us
Want your voice to be heard? Submit a letter to the editor, send us an op-ed pitch or check out our open positions for the chance to be published by the Daily Utah Chronicle.
@TheChrony
Print Issues

Words of advice to incoming students

My oh-so wise and backed-by-experienced words of advice to the incoming class of Utes who are now officially “on their own”:

  • Schedule early morning classes, but never go.
    Ever. Life is so much better when you sleep in and don’t know what’s happening
    in any of your classes. Deal with failing grades and your furious mother at the end of the semester.
  • Make sure you’re hooked up with a flat screen, cable,
    Netflix, a massive DVD collection, an xbox, tons of games, and a comfy couch.
    And then never leave your apartment during waking hours.
  • Your grocery list should read: Nutella, cookie
    dough, pizza rolls, Cocoa Puffs, TruMoo, vodka, Red Bull and Mountain Dew. The essentials.
  • Don’t go to sporting events. It’s not like we’re
    in the Pac-12 or anything, and have kickass sports teams across the board. Throw
    on a Snuggie and stay home.
  • I know your mom always posted your report cards
    to the fridge, but in college you’re really only supposed to have Domino’s and
    Little Caesar coupons up there.
  • Don’t go to the gym. Like, ever. Freshman 15?
    Please. I think you can do better. Aim for 30.
  • Only stay in contact with your childhood
    friends. Never branch out. People will only try to expose you to new, potentially
    fun and interesting things, and you’ll have to leave your couch to participate.
  • Don’t get a job, or worry about boosting your
    resume with internships and club activities. You’re busy enough sleeping, beating Halo and never doing laundry.

Now, do the exact opposite of what I’ve listed, and you’ll be well on your way to having a very memorable and fulfilling experience here at the U.

 

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