Imagine walking down the street. You notice a couple sitting on a bench, clearly in a heated argument. You become intrigued, and can’t help but watch. Suddenly the woman slaps the man; her jewelry maybe adding to the impact. You wince and look away thinking, “He probably deserved it.” Meanwhile the man starts crying, his face stings, and he’s wondering why no one helps him.
Twenty-one percent of women and just two percent of men in America have reported being sexually assaulted at least once in their lives and those are only the people who have reported it. Though the male-reported percentage is significantly less than women’s, any percentage is unacceptable.
Many male victims of physical and sexual assault don’t report out of fear of their abuser or of not being believed. Because men are typically stronger than women physically, it is a common belief that men can’t be raped or beaten by women. Imagine how difficult it is for a man to be believed when he comes forward, when there are so many women who are thought lying when reporting sexual assault or abuse.
In 2013, actor Evan Peters accused his then-girlfriend, actress Emma Roberts, of physically assaulting him after a fight. Like so many victims of domestic violence, he soon dropped the charges and claimed it was an accident. Some female celebrities who have been known to abuse their romantic partners other than Roberts include Kelly Brook, Carmen Electra and Whitney Houston. Though there’s no doubt or speculation about the violence, all these cases were brushed off as harmless accidents. For example, it’s widely known and accepted that Houston and her husband, Bobby Brown, had an aggressive way of communicating their feelings.
Just like women who have been abused, many men will go back to their abusive partners to make life easier for their children, because they feel no one will believe them or because they will actually be told that they were overreacting and shouldn’t be upset.
Lots of female-on-male abuse isn’t completely physical. In many cases women take away their partners’ car keys or medications, ruin clothes or other personal items, dictate who their partners can and cannot see, etc. If it’s done by a woman, there isn’t usually physical evidence of trauma or abuse, whereas if a man hits a woman the mark will be evident.
No matter the situation, abuse isn’t o.k. be it sexual, physical, emotional or mental. It cannot and should not be justified based on gender or size.
When a man hits a woman, he’s an ass and a criminal and he’ll be publicly reprimanded. When a woman hits a man, it’s considered funny or explained that she was defending herself. The stereotype and image of masculinity is dangerous and forces men to keep their suffering silent. If a man were to come forward and say that his girlfriend beats him, he would be laughed at for being a wimp. If a man says his boyfriend beats him then he would be blamed for choosing an aggressive male partner. Often, when a woman comes forward to report abuse, she is also either blamed for acting, dressing a certain way or is thought to be lying.
The fact is, abuse can happen to anyone, and anyone can be an abuser. Men shouldn’t be made to feel weak or be immediately persecuted if they come forward.
Elen Kocharyan • Oct 6, 2017 at 12:08 pm
Of course domestic violence in any of it manifestation is horrible. However, in my point of view the collocation “double standards” is not suitable in this context. Surely some number of men also are being assaulted in a relationship however the physical harm caused by a man can hardly be compared to the one caused by a woman. Also if a man gets hit by his wife he can easily get divorced without concerning about the status of a divorced. Meanwhile in some countries it is still shameful for a woman to be divorced and she might not get married again because of it. That is why women are usually forced to continue bearing the assaulting relationship and sometimes this leads to death cases. These are the main reasons of domestic violence practices on a woman being more discussed and there are no double standards.
Mark • Mar 14, 2018 at 12:37 pm
Elen: Are you serious? A woman can get a knife or gun and kill her husband during a divorce the same as a man could. A knife or gun in the hands of a man can do the same damage in the hands of a woman. A “double standard” is an accurate representation. Get a clue.