It’s wedding season here in Utah. It’s nearly impossible to get on Facebook without being assaulted by photo galleries of cake, flowers, temples and gleeful wedding guests. Although it may all look appetizing, marriage isn’t something young people should be rushing into.
It is no secret that Utah’s above-average marriage industry is directly tied to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Many young LDS people go on missions where they don’t date for two years, then come home ready to start the rest of their lives, which, particularly in the LDS religion, means getting married. This leads to the stereotype that Utahns marry young and fast. It’s not uncommon to hear stories about returned missionaries who meet and get engaged to someone within a couple months of getting home.
Some people have defended this express marriage route, saying something along the lines of, “When you know it’s the right person, you just know. So why wait?” Well, I’ll tell you why you should wait, and I’ll even do so by way of a Sunday School-style parable.
A returned missionary is like a person who has never eaten food, who suddenly happens upon an all-you-can-eat buffet. When he or she enters the buffet, they are told that they can have their fill. They can “eat around” all they want but must eventually decide on a favorite dish, which will be the only dish they can eat for the rest of their life.
The person grabs a plate with good intentions. They’ll try a little of everything, then decide on their favorite so as not to make a bad decision. First they take a slice of cheese pizza. This looks good, they think. But as they eat it, they discovers that it’s not just good, it’s amazing. The crust, the cheese, the sauce! It’s the perfect food!
Enchanted by the pizza, the person eats eight more slices before they declare cheese pizza their favorite food and commit to eating nothing but cheese pizza for the rest of their life.
Like this person, many returned missionaries are starving. Not for food, but for a relationship. The problem is, many of these RMs don’t have much relationship experience from before their missions. They’re like someone who’s never eaten and suddenly been thrust into Golden Corral. They try one thing and decide, “This is the best for me. No need to try anything else.”
Now, it’s true that sometimes this does work. Maybe that person could have tried everything else in the buffet and still preferred pizza. Sometimes the first person you date is really your soulmate. But it’s hard to know either of those things unless you have something else to compare it to. You can’t truly appreciate how good a piece of pizza is (or whatever your favorite food is) until you’ve tried several other foods, both good and bad. The same goes for finding a spouse. You can rush in and settle for the first person you date, but as great as that person may be, you won’t really know how great they are until you’ve done a little more sampling.