SALT LAKE CITY, UT — Despite his valiant efforts to hit that sweet spot where the porcelain meets the water, Alex Johnson’s date could totally hear every stage of his prolonged urination.
“I didn’t know liquid could be expelled so forcefully from a human body,” said Alex’s date, Tiffany. “I tried to stay focused on ‘Saving Private Ryan,’ but after I heard the seat put up all I could hear was the unsettling sound of pee hitting toilet water. He could have at least turned on the fan.”
“It really startled me,” said Jackie, Tiffany’s roommate, who was studying in her room at the time. “I mean, I’m like halfway down the hall with my headphones in, and all I can hear is that dude peeing in our toilet for like two minutes.”
Jackie went on to say that her roommate’s date may want to be more strategic in timing his bodily functions, “I mean, if I was him, I would have went while they were at the restaurant — there’s way more noise to protect you there.”