The University of Utah's Independent Student Voice

The Daily Utah Chronicle

The University of Utah's Independent Student Voice

The Daily Utah Chronicle

The University of Utah's Independent Student Voice

The Daily Utah Chronicle

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Women Injures Staff Member at the U’s Neuropsych Institute

Violent episode?A woman was admitted to the U Neuropsychiatric Institute. Her behavior immediately aroused suspicions in the staff members, who wanted to search her and find out if she had drugs with her. The woman responded by drawing a hunting knife and putting it to her throat. Staff members struggled with her to take the knife away; one of them received a severe cut to the hand in the process. They eventually restrained the patient.

Making things difficult for the cops?Someone stole a bicycle from a person who did not know the name of the building next to which he had parked his bike.

Stolen tires?Near the biology building, someone stole the front and rear wheels of a bicycle. The wheels are ?quick release.?

Those kind of tires make for a nice ?quick getaway.?

Pesky phone calls?A woman reported receiving several phone calls over the last two weeks. The caller says nothing, then hangs up.

Apparently, the caller is embarrassed because he?s using the phone, not email, which is the U?s official form for harassing fellow employees.

Premature discharge?Someone discharged a fire extinguisher in a Sage Point apartment building. The discharge set off the fire alarm.

Remember, guys, it?s alarm first, then you use the extinguisher.

Crime does not pay?An officer stopped a driver and discovered he had a suspended driver?s license. The car was not insured and its registration had expired. The officer also learned the driver had an outstanding arrest warrant for assault. They took him to jail.

?The only reason crime doesn?t pay is because criminals are stupid.?

Stolen tools?Someone stole tools from a shed near the Fort Douglas museum.

Car theft?Two cars parked in the Guardsman Way economy lot were burglarized. In both cases, the thief entered by smashing the window and then damaged the dashboard. From one, the thief(s) could not completely remove the stereo, from the other, though, stereo speakers, CDs, a radar detector and a wallet were stolen.

One can?t help but appreciate the irony of reporting to the police?of all people?that your radar detector was stolen.

Stuff in cars?Another car?this one in the Union pay lot?was burglarized. Police do not know how the thief(s) gained access to the car. Stolen were laptop computer, CD player, CDs, Palm Pilot, day planner, sunglasses, school books, a jacket and cash.

A thief simply smashing a window and stealing whatever?s inside is the most common automobile-related theft, according to the UUPD. Please, campus community, don?t leave stuff lying in your cars.

Machine crime?A man walked up to a campus vending machine and shook it until some of the merchandise fell into the retrieval bin, according to a witness. The machine-shaker then took the merchandise and walked away.

The suspect is presumed armed and dangerous, let me tell you.

Stolen chairs?University Hospital ordered 13 chairs, which the hospital received. The chairs were temporarily stored on a loading dock. The next time someone checked on the dock, there were only 12 chairs.

Rod Serling was later seen in one of the chairs, talking about how thefts like this occur in a dimension ?not of sight and sound? and how the statute of limitations would only expire in the Twilight Zone.

Chair?Someone stole a leather chair from the Heritage Center.

Hey, there are plenty a more lovesacs in the Union!

Door damage?Somehow, a chemical room door in the Hedco building was damaged, despite recent reinforcement of all the doors? in the building.

Having used his fearsome pulsar beam on the door, the supervillain Doctor Collossus stole chemicals from the room necessary to create another Impregnar Beast.

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