Breaking News: bin Laden Upset With Americans

By Momar Kadafi , CNN correspondent

More than two months after the Sept. 11 attacks, Osama bin Laden says he is more upset with Americans than usual.

U.S. officials don’t know what the hell happened.

“What did we do to piss him off? I mean, he bombed us,” President Bush said on Friday.

Bush and bin Laden met for the first time ever in what bin Laden promised to be neutral grounds. It turned out to be Kabul, Afghanistan.

“The son-of-a-bitch tricked me,” an upset Bush said.

The purpose for the meeting was to discuss U.S. relations with the al Qaeda terrorist network.

“Things aren’t looking good,” Bush said intelligently.

Apparently, bin Laden is more upset than ever because of backlash in the United States.

According to bin Laden, the ignorance of Americans is showing in attacks toward many minorities. He made reference to many cultures and religions targeted, included attacks on Sikhs from India.

“They are not even Muslim,” bin Laden shouted. “What the hell is wrong with you people? If you’re going to discriminate, do it right,” he said.

Bin Laden believes targeting other groups takes away from his own credibility.

“Do you think just anybody could pull this s#!$ off? Nope, just me. Not the Sheikhs, not the Pakistanis, not Afghans. Who am I kidding, not even the Muslims. They get all emotional, and their morals won’t allow them to kill innocent people?kind of like everyone else. Makes me sick, personally, because I’m the only guy with balls of steel,” bin Laden said.

Bin Laden was infuriated by the deaths of many innocent people in the United States.

“Look at the [Americans]?they act as if everyone is equal,” he said. “What’s next, integration of schools?”

A confused Bush didn’t know quite what to make of the conversation.

“It’s not like everyone is discriminating, it’s just a handful,” Bush explained to bin Laden. “Just like you don’t represent all Muslims, those people don’t represent all Americans.”

“Don’t get smart with me,” bin Laden said. Bush complied.

Bin Laden feels the only animosity in the United States should be against those who support the al Qaeda terrorist network.

“Let’s say you attack and kill one of the believers, at least they will go to heaven,” bin Laden said. “By attacking everyone who is suspect, you allow all sorts of people to become martyrs and go to heaven. You can’t kill just anyone,” bin Laden explained.

Again, Bush became confused with bin Laden’s reasoning and his usage of big words. However, he got the jist of it.

“I agree,” the president said. “We don’t want all kinds of people targeted for attack in the United States. I insist we do something about it. I promise that all U.S. fighting forces and crazy citizens who have nothing better to do but attack other people will not target anyone not associated with your network. Hear me, all Americans: From today forth, only beat up those who like Osama. We will make them all the martyrs they want to be.”

This time, bin Laden was confused and annoyed at the same time. “Get that silly grin off your face,” he said to Bush. Bush complied.

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