A Letter to the Graduation Office: It’s About Time.

By Leif Mealone, 7th year Senior, Undecided

Editor:

This letter to the editor is to the graduation office.

You know, it’s about time.

I was starting to think that you would never understand what it is like to have to live in these conditions.

I woke up this morning and found out that I had no kitchen. Then I remembered that I didn’t have a bathtub. Even worse, I realized that for an entire decade, I had to do my own laundry. Thanks a lot. Where was that part in your glossy university pamphlet?

And then there was that whole learning thing. Boy, it was like one of those carnival rides that always looked so cool, but when you got on it, you ended up feeling sicker than when you had to eat Grandma Mariam’s meatball spinach dish. Or like one of those ads for pizza pockets?where those kids in the commercials looked so happy coming home from school to nice, hot palm-sized morsels of cheesy goodness, but when you tried to do the same thing, the microwave caught the kitchen on fire and mom grounded you for a week because you forgot to take the pizza bites out of the box to cook them.

Yea, it was that bad.

But hey, some good things came out of this whole experience…

Wait, hold on just a sec.

I’m still thinking.

Man, this is harder than I thought it would be.

OK, so maybe good things didn’t come out of it, but some mediocre things did?like how to multitask. Yea, I’d like to see Martha Stewart try and cook easy mac, watch television, listen to the CD player and do her homework.

Oh, wait. She couldn’t do that anyway, she doesn’t go to school. But you know what I mean.

I also learned other stuff, like how to B.S. (and do it well). For example, the story I just told you about the pizza pockets was pretty good, huh? I just made it up.

Anyway, I wanted to write and say thanks?thanks for that piece of paper that I’ll roll up and put under my bed with my karate certificate from third grade. OK, so maybe it will get a promotion to my bed table drawer, who knows.

But even more than that, I just wanted to write you to say: Hey, it’s about time. I was worried that you’d forgotten me. Parking Services calls me every day. Granted, it’s for other reasons, but at least you could take some pointers from them.

I’m out of here!

Leif Mealone, 7th year Senior, Undecided