By , , , and

The Dude

Chronic Staff Writer

Disclaimer: The following article is published as part of our annual satirical April Fool’s Day issue. Please don’t believe any of it, and please don’t sue us. Thanks.

Scientists at the U recently released the results of a study that may cause men to take a closer look at their drinking habits.

Their research, which was unveiled at the annual human reproduction conference on the BYU campus in Provo, states that there are significant amounts of female hormones present in beer and other alcoholic beverages.

Their theory: Drinking booze turns men into women.

To test the theory, the researchers observed a test group of 50 men who were each given five pints of beer to drink in a one- hour span.

According to the scientists, the following irrefutable evidence backs up their theory.

They documented that 100 percent of the men in the study gained weight, began to talk excessively without making any sense and refused to apologize when wrong.

Other effects included having to sit down while urinating, being unable to drive a vehicle, arguing over nothing and becoming overly emotional and failing to think rationally.

[email protected]