Blockbuster VS Bunker Busters In Iraq

By Cliff Cavort

Disclaimer: The following article is published as part of our annual satirical April Fool’s Day issue. Please don’t believe any of it, and please don’t sue us. Thanks.

BAGHDAD-Members of the Iraqi government rented every Vietnam War movie from Baghdad’s downtown “Blockbuster Video” last week, according to recent intelligence reports.

“They took everything from ‘The Deer Hunter’ and ‘Full Metal Jacket’ to Chuck Norris’ ‘Missing in Action’ series,” said Fariq Al-Aziz, the video store’s assistant manager. “Now all 19 videos are late except for a copy of ‘Rambo: First Blood 2,” which they said was really stupid and demanded a refund. Oh yeah, and they actually bought a copy of ‘Platoon’ and a couple of the more depressing flicks.”

Iraqi officials deny allegations that they use the films to aid in war planning.

“We just decided to order a couple of pizzas and watch some movies. What’s the big deal?” said Iraq’s Information Minister Mohammad Al-Sahaf. “If we happen to pick up a couple tips on how to demoralize and beat back the American and British aggressors, so be it.”

“I wonder if [coalition troops] really like to go surfing during artillery bombardments. I certainly hope so,” Al-Sahaf said in obvious reference to a scene from “Apocalypse Now.”