Kruger Goon
Chronic Sports Writer
Disclaimer: The following article is published as part of our annual satirical April Fool’s Day issue. Please don’t believe any of it, and please don’t sue us. Thanks.
U basketball coach Rick Majerus got quite a surprise when he awoke to receive a phone call this morning. It was such a surprise, Majerus said, that as soon as he recognized the voice on the line, he immediately knew his life and Utah basketball would never be the same.
Majerus said his heart almost stopped cold as he realized the voice was that of all-universe prep star Lebron James in Ohio, telling Majerus that after a serious heart-to-heart with is mother, he was going to let the NBA wait a few years and come play ball for the Utes.
“I had to pinch myself to make sure it wasn”t a dream,” Majerus said. “King James a Ute? The thought of it all was unbelievable.”
Before verbally committing to the U, James was predicted by basketball analysts as the No. 1 pick in the NBA Draft and already had Nike, Adidias and Reebok fighting for endorsement contracts. He’d even had some of his high school games nationally broadcast on ESPN. James had everyone waiting for his word to go pro. So why college? And why Utah of all places?
“My mom convinced me that education was something I needed in case I got injured, and that the NBA would still be there in two or three years. Why not go to school when I can get it all paid for and still make millions later?” James said.
As for the decision to come to Utah, the reasoning is a little more complicated. James said he didn’t want to go someplace that had already won a national championship like Duke, Kentucky, Arizona or North Carolina, because it would almost be too easy.
“I wanted to come somewhere where I could play right away and that I could help win the national championship, know what I’m saying?” James said.
When Majerus first heard of James four years ago, he figured it would be a waste of time to recruit him.
“He was the top recruit in the nation for heck sakes,” Majerus said. “You send them a letter showing your interest, but you figure they look to the big schools first, never the mid-majors.”
Although James never made an official campus visit, Majerus met James and his mother two years ago through former Ute Andre Miller while Miller was playing in Cleveland. The four had dinner together and when James appeared interested, Majerus figured he was just being nice.
Last summer, before James began his senior year, Majerus phoned the star and told him the offer was still on the table. Following his MVP performance in the McDonald’s All-American game last week, James decided to make his move.
“I had narrowed my choice down to two schools, BYU and Utah,” James said.
“But when Majerus promised me there was no honor code, a scholarship, my choice of dorm room, a parking spot at the Huntsman for my Hummer, any girl I wanted and some old U vintage jerseys of Keith Van Horn and Andre Miller, I knew I couldn’t pass,” James said.
Majerus expects James will be making his first trip to Utah next week.