July 21

Wednesday

How long have you lived in Salt Lake City? Eight years? 10? However long you’ve been here, chances are you’ve never actually experienced the shock and awe of a Mormon Tabernacle organ performance. Remedy this inadequacy by taking a hop-skip over to the temple to catch one of the free 30-minute concerts.

July 22

Thursday

Continuing in the illustriously redundant tradition of bands like Tony Toni Ton before them, only now with a little more exclamation, !!! (Chik Chk Chick) bring the funk-punk danciness tonight to Club Sound. Go spastically shake your ass in the face of The Man. Now who’s fighting the power?

July 23

Friday

Get your head out of your ass and quit being all like, “Nah, man, the Salt Lake City music scene is s***, plain and simple,” and go do something about it. A great place to start is by simply supporting one of the (many, actually) outstanding local bands like New Transit Direction, who play tonight at Kilby Court. Pay a few dollars, tip whoever helps you at the door and rock out-New Transit are super nice guys and darn fine musicians to boot. Who do they think they are, The So and Sos?

July 24

Saturday

“Holy Skanking Scenesters, Calendar! I’ve never seen such a sight! Has the world gone ska-tarded?” Calm down, Robin, the world hasn’t changed. All those Aquabat-clad goofballs are just at In The Venue tonight for the skafest. Maybe if we’re really quiet, they’ll get tired of bands like Catch-22, Lucky Boy Confusion, Rx Bandits and Reel Big Fish (the latter two of which don’t actually suck, but are deemed sucky by default in the company of this lineup) and go away by morning. Perhaps we should go investigate this mayhem. Perhaps you should too! What would Mayor Adam West do without us?

July 25

Sunday

Sonic Youth is coming! Sonic Youth is coming! Sonic Youth is coming! Tonight at In The Venue! Sonic Youth is Coming! Holy s***!

If you don’t like Sonic Youth, your ears have very obviously been replaced by cauliflower. Most likely, this was done by an evil witch, or, perhaps, a deranged scientist back in The War. Either way, Sonic Youth is coming! Dust of the cauliflower and hope that the magic healing of “Sonic Nurse,” the band’s most recent (and very coyly mature) album, can do something good for you. Otherwise, make a salad and sell your record player.

July 26

Monday

Start the week out right with a little aesthetic subversion. Park at the new library and walk over to New Visions Gallery on 47 E. 400 South. On display at the gallery is an enlightening and titillating “Dangerous Art” exhibit, showcasing the work of artist likely to interest our heavy-metal friend Steve and other nonconservative intellectuals alike. Hurry and check it out before Big Brother deems the exhibit a terrorist threat to the sanctity of marriage-you may only have a few days. You never know.

July 27

Tuesday

Who’s your daddy? If you still don’t know, maybe try asking Papa Roach. The band plays tonight at In The Venue, along with other tragic acts like Scattered Fall and Tsunami Bomb. Hey, relax, it’s a damn Tuesday.