Sky Calendar and the Events of Today

Thursday is synonymous with porn. Why? Well, in Calendar’s book (which is the only one that matters, thank you very much) Thursday is porn-king of the week. Although this is a recent development (previously porn-king was a title held by Wends-“my friends call me hump”-day), for a limited (three day) time only, porn star Gina Lynn will be appearing at Trails, a private men’s club on 921 S and 300 W. In addition to $3 Bacardi drinks, Lynn will dazzle of-age Utahans (18+, sorry high scholars) with her, um, showmanship? Something like that. Cover charge is $5 at the door, but you best be packing the $1 bills if you expect such a high-class woman as Lynn to pay you any attention.

No secret that alt-country is saving music. Damn the Abyss and everything he stands for, this heren is the future. Tonight at The Westerner Club (3360 S. Redwood RD), a grip of local, cow-prodding, goat-herding, 10-gallon-hat-wearing sons-of-coyotes will do battle…to the death! Not really, but their bands will. That’s right, the Battle of the Country bands goes down this evening for the low, low price of $5. All the real cowboys will be there, will you, cowpoke? Huh, will ya?!

Damn you Homecoming Week-you never fail to remind Calendar of his days as a swashbuckling youth. Indeed, Calendar was known-in his rowdier, high-school incarnation-to be quite the ladies pirate, fond of swooping in unannounced and kidnapping the disaffected young girlfriends of haughty football-types and stealing their lunch money. But those days are gone.Now, Homecoming only reminds Calendar of fires and beer and stuff. Which is why it’s so great that the Homecoming Week Bonfire and Pep rally goes down tonight. Hit up the event for bands, food and inflatable games-or just to unleash your pent up school spirit in one outlandish burst, you know, whatever. Baseball field East of Alumni House. Dig.

Ever feel like your life lacks forward momentum? Ever wonder what the point of all this is? Ever wonder if you have a soul? Us neither, but apparently the people over at Skybox (400 South Rio Grande St. at The Gateway) have, and apparently they found some answers in the great form of the ski tape. Come see for yourself tonight at the premiere of Teton Gravity Research’s “Soul Purpose,” starring Jeremy Jones, Sage Cattabriga-Alosa, and Erik Roner. Who can’t help but have their life reaffirmed by watching someone else ski after BASE-jumping off of 3000 ft. cliffs in Italy? Not us. Especially when they mess up. Show starts at 7 pm, tickets are $9 at the door.

We know your couch is too comfortable to leave it-honestly, we’re impressed you got up long enough to pick up this newspaper. And, we’re not so egotistical to assume we can actually get your lazy butt off the furniture with our wily list of cool stuff to do. So, we’ll compromise: As opposed to watching reruns of Aqua Teen Hunger Force (dude, just buy the DVD, seriously), check out ABC’s two-hour season premier of “Extreme Makeover.” It’s quality programming. Really, we totally like it. We’re not being paid-off by the network. Are we?