Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Calendar

By and

Oct. 14


What was that Stephen King movie, you know, the one with that clown…the clown that, like, lives in the sewers and eats children and is actually some demonic alien or whatever? “It?” For real, that movie ruined Calendar’s childhood-you try watching “It” alone in your parent’s basement as an impressionable 8-year-old and then you tell us if going to the circus is ever the same again.

Anyway, a big part of “It” is about friendship, and bonding and forming secret, exclusive clown-killing clubs and stuff. It was like the characters were siblings even though they weren’t related…like Blood Brothers, you know?

Much like the actual Blood Brothers-the hardcore/metalcore/fashioncore band that’s playing tonight at Lo-Fi Caf (127 S. West Temple) with Against Me and True North. Show starts at 7 p.m., tickets cost $10 and the only thing you really need to remember is to bring your mother’s turquoise earrings…because those things totally messed up that clown when that one little shot him with his slingshot in the sewer. Long live the wrist-rocket.

“Tell all those English boys you meet…” on your semester abroad about Jude Law and the free screening of his new remake of that old Don-Juan-de-groovy flick “Alfie.” True, Law may not be as timeless as the inimitable Michael Caine, but he does know a thing or two about charm-that British, ‘it’s not soccer, mate, it’s football’ sort of way. Watch the ladies get killed at the Gateway Center for $8, but make sure to swing by the Union Services Desk or ASUU to grab your tickets and ascertain your movie time. Oh yeah, and bring your student ID-“Alfie” meets a lot of people, you can’t honestly expect him to remember your name, can you?

Do Utah “electoral” politics make you feel like an outsider? Maybe even a redheaded stepchild? Well it’s about time you met the family-get an insider perspective on at least one Utah talking head today in the Marriott Library’s Gould Auditorium from 12 to 1:30 p.m. as Chrissy Gephardt (Congressman Gephardt’s daughter) gets her spin on. No word yet as to whether or not Gephardt is looking to fill her father’s congressional shoes in the future, and frankly, we don’t care. Hey, Calendar has no problem with nepotism: Sure worked for George W.

Permit Calendar to be serious for a moment. Utah, in all its wild geographic glory, is home to more than just a few species of obscure endangered mammals-it’s home to some pretty astonishing writers, too, some of whom coincidentally have a vested spiritual interest in the Utah outdoors. One such writer is Terry Tempest Williams, whose book Refuge is one of the most engaging meditations on Utah land and post-nuclear life Calendar has ever read. You should check it out. Really. Then you should go buy a copy of Williams’ new book, The Open Space of Democracy, and head down to Rowland Hall St. Mark’s High School where the author will be reading from and signing her work. The event takes place at 7 p.m. and costs $10.

Look, Ma, we didn’t make one bad joke! Ain’t ya’ proud?

OK, enough of that ‘serious’ crap. Back to Calendar-ville, where, coincidentally, there’s about to be a brawl. It’s going to be like that brawl in “The Outsiders” where Pony Boy gets his ass kicked, only this fight isn’t going to involve greasers and socs-it’s going to involve cowboys! Yessir, partner, gussy-up the bronco and jingle your spurs, because the ongoing Battle of the Country Bands continues tonight at The Westerner Club (3360 S. Redwood Rd). The whisky-fueled stallion-stomping starts in the early evening, but Calendar recommends getting to The Westerner as early as possible so you can suck down some sarsaparillas just in case there’s something rotten in the country-music trough tonight. Mad-cow disease is old news-you ever seen a genuine cowpoke foaming at the mouth? Trust Calendar, it’s not something you want to experience sober.

And just in case your drinking tastes run less akin to Garth Brooks than Bluto from “Animal House,” might we recommend hitting up Cheers to You tonight (315 S. Main) where you can guzzle all the $4 pitchers of beer your liver can’t handle. Remember when Bluto pretends to be a pimple and spews all over the preppy ROTC losers at the lunch table? Man, that’s sooo classic. Where’s our Pabst, Mike?

Calendar hates MTV. Video didn’t kill the radio star, video killed itself. For real, other than, like, TRL or whatever, when can you even watch a video on MTV anymore? Sure not tonight from 8 to 9 p.m., because those programming geniuses over at the biggest little corporate-music-conglomerate-that-could decided that it was a way better idea to give their millions of suburbanite agro-emo viewers a glimpse at what life is like in Hell. Or the Jersey Shore…you know, same thing. We’re not kidding: “True Life: I’m a Jersey Girl” airs tonight for all the Pattersonites stoked on seeing their local Kwik-E-Mart on national TV.

Actually, we are kidding. But for real, tonight’s True Life is just about as clich: “True Life: I’m Backpacking Through Europe.” Again, we can’t make stuff this good up-“True Life: I’m Backpacking Through Europe” follows four…youths on their unique trans-Atlantic journeys as they search for meaning in their lives.” Cool guys, good luck with that-maybe you’ll find that meaning somewhere between blacking-out in Germany and E-raving your serotonin away in Ibiza. How profound.