The Calendar of the Bambino

Oct. 22FridayCalendar is on the run. No, seriously, that freak that drops this thing off everyday gave this to us before we even had a chance to remind him that he gets paid tomorrow in cold, hard cash-small bills (per his request). His note read the following:

Must write Calendar in semi-shorthand. Following the “ODB Trail” across America after certain revolutionary-like behaviors proceeding the Red-Sox victory lead to some “inciting a riot” charge or something.

Speaking of revolutionary: Muse will announce the end of the world, and Secret Machines will make it happen. If by “the end of the world,” you mean “dramatic, life-changing rock and roll,” that is. Muse and Secret Machines will turn In The Venue scene-side-out tonight at 7:30 pm for $17.50 a ticket. See A&E writer Dan Fletcher’s preview for more details and to save us time.

Also-Friday night-neither jerks nor (all…that they know of) sons of country legend Johnny Cash, The Bastard Sons of Johnny Cash will be headlining The Parkinson’s Benefit at Liquid Joe’s (1249 E. 3300 South) with their own brand of “y’all-ternative” country rock for $13 a head. On a separate (but related…by marriage) note, A&E has hereby formally denied writers Chris Whipple and Drew Tabke tickets to the Toby Keith concert so they can “pick up chicks.” Sorry, guys. We’ve got heat bills to pay around here.

Oct. 23SaturdaySaturday, a day normally reserved for cartoons and Cocoa Puffs, is now (now, meaning “this weekend only”) a day to examine and attempt to indict the war on Iraq as another Vietnam. Is our Union trying to say something? Doubtful. It’s a building. It doesn’t talk. But the people in “The Fog Of War,” this year’s Oscar winner for Best Documentary, sure do. For free-99, you can have liberal, leftist propaganda shoved down your throat, too. The Utah Commie Society (not actually a society…or real) begins its screening of “The Fog of War” at 1 p.m. at the Union Theatre.

Last stop: the Broadway Theatre. Two choices, here: first, director David O. Russel (the genius behind “Three Kings”) opens up “I Heart Huckabees” this weekend, a film billed as an “existential comedy.” Existentialism, no morals, everyone is out for themselves-doesn’t sound like so much of a comedy as it does my sad, pathetic, outlaw life.

Also at the Broadway, Vincent Gallo’s (director of pretense-fest “Buffalo 66”) “The Brown Bunny,” the film panned by critics (i.e., Roger Ebert) at this year’s Cannes Film Festival as being one of the most over-indulgent, unnecessary films ever, begins its one-week exclusive engagement run on Friday. “The Brown Bunny” is described by some as a minimalist film about motorcycle racer Bud Clay (played by writer/director Gallo) trying to reconcile within himself the meaning of a lost love. The trailer describes it as the most controversial American film ever made.

We say: You’re in a car with this guy for literally two hours before you get to watch him receive sexual favors from Chloe Sevigny at the film’s conclusion. Why, Hollywood? Why must you glamorize the road trip? All Calendar gets is a citation, a court date, and an empty tank of gas.