Three and out

1st and 10: Big Trev strikes again

Seriously, Trev Alberts is a genius. Just kidding. The only reason ESPN pays him to pontificate is because he convinces so many people to watch his show strictly by pissing them off. I hate picking on Alberts again, but he had the college football pre-game highlight of the week and it warrants some attention.

His latest offense was his contention that Urban is not Florida material. Although I hope Florida Athletics Director Jeremy Foley shares this opinion, it is clearly ridiculous. Cal head coach Jim Tedford and Urban are probably the two hottest college coaching prospects in the country, and if not for Steve Spurrier’s embarrassing NFL experiment, Urban would be more sought after than the lone pretty girl in a small town.

But Alberts is stuck in a fantasy land where the six major conferences are the only ones that matter, so anyone or anything involved with the mid-majors is nothing but second rate. That wouldn’t really explain why No. 5 Wisconsin managed to score only one offensive touchdown against the same UNLV team that Utah dropped 63 on in just three quarters. There are several other examples of the parity between the mid-major standouts and the “big boys” (Louisville against Miami, BYU over Notre Dame), but Alberts chooses, or is paid to choose, not to see that evidence. If I were an ESPN executive keeping Alberts around strictly because of his irritability, I would make him watch video tape of Michael Irving and start referring to himself in the third person. “Big Trev doesn’t appreciate his Cornhuskers losing by 40, because Big Trev used to play there and this affects Big Trev’s legacy.” If that were a real quote, “College Game Day” would be high comedy.

2nd and 11: Unbeatens battle the odds

Speaking of high comedy, there are still seven unbeaten teams in college football for the BCS to sort out. Judging by the BCS debacle that took place last season with no unbeaten teams, we might be treated to another laughable controversy if there are more than three this year.

Fortunately for the BCS, the universe is in flux this weekend and at least one unbeaten team seems destined for doom. There’s only one upset-friendly match-up, pairing an unbeaten against an underdog (No. 2 Oklahoma at No. 20 Oklahoma State), but the heavenly bodies are currently aligned in such a way that more than one upset seems likely.

First of all, and most importantly, the Red Sox won the World Series during a lunar eclipse. Is this the sports equivalent to killing a virgin with a silver dagger under a full moon? It has to have some effect, and I predict it will be drastic. Not only will the Sooners go down this weekend, so will either USC, Miami or Auburn, even though they play horrible teams.

The best-case scenario for the Utes would be a Tarheel victory over Miami for obvious reasons, and if my current luck in sports (eight straight playoff wins for the Red Sox) is any indication, then we just might see the end of Hurricane season. Finally.

Auburn plays at Ole Miss, and although a Rebel win wouldn’t help the Utes as much, it would make some room in the top 5.

USC heads to Washington State to play the Cougars, who have been dismal this year. I don’t see this one happening, but there is always the “reverse lock” theory, which heavily favors the Cougars in this game. “Reverse lock” is simply the theory that if every facet of a game points heavily in favor of one team, then the game will be won by the other team.

This theory explains all of Pedro Martinez’s losses to the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, and the New England Patriots’ Super Bowl victory over the St. Louis Rams in 2001.

No one really knows which unbeatens will lose, but we can all be relatively sure that some of them will eventually. Chris Fowler of ESPN crunched a few numbers and determined that there is a .0003 percent chance that all seven teams will remain unbeaten.

3rd and 30: Will he stay or will he go?

Tye Smith and Joe Beatty battled over this Urban related question in yesterday’s point-counterpoint, so I won’t argue the semantics. I will, however, beg the man to stay if necessary. Who’s with me?

4th and 37: Punt

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