Queer eye for the straight calendar

Jan. 12WednesdayHey! Don’t touch that doorknob! Cold season (or “el temporada de muerte” for all you freakish hypochondriacs) is here, and Calendar has decided that, in this politically correct day and age, we need a non-specific deity to post-officiate sneezes. Whatever happened to “Vishnu Bless You!” anyway?

The sickness de jour? Adrian’s, that harlot. Adrian and the Sickness is playing Burt’s Tiki Lounge (301 S. Temple) tonight at 7 p.m. Tickets are $5 at the door, and you need to be 21+ to contract this bad girl’s flu.

Meanwhile, those hucksters at the Delta Center (301 S. Temple) will be witnessing a different kind of sickness: the Utah Jazz facing off against the Phoenix Suns, featuring our man Steve “Hair Canada” Nash. Tickets are $10 to $1,000 (but really, you need to know someone for floor seats-sorry, trust-funders) and tip-off is at 7 p.m.

Meanwhile, those diversity-board kids are at it again. This time, it’s sports teams. Really, what ‘s so wrong with the “Cleveland Indians,” the “Atlanta Braves” and the “Washington Redskins?” Other than the Anglo-Saxon (read: American) systematic raping, pillaging and exploiting of nearly all other aspects of American Indian culture, nothing. The 2005 Martin Luther King Jr. Celebration Film “In Whose Honor,” being screening tonight at the Union Theatre from 7 to 9 p.m. would like to argue differently.

What about those pesky Brits from whom we wrangled this country? We’re cool with them. Those Minis are soooooooo cute, right Metros? Whatever-the W Lounge (358 S. West Temple) is having British Mod Night again, featuring $5 fish and chips and lots of bulimic hipsters who’ll take care of that one in the commode to the tune of pretentious wannabe new-wave. New-wave? No wave. No wave? No tide. Word. You know exactly where you can stick that widget.

Other way to sauce it up tonight: the Crazy Goat (119 S. West Temple) will pollute you with $3 Coronas and Long Islands.

Oh yeah, and “Queer Eye for the Straight Girl” starts tonight on the Bravo network at 10 p.m. Seriously…