Forbidden fruit falling from the academic tree

Dear Danni,

I feel so dumb saying this, but I have the biggest crush on my professor this semester. He is probably as old as my Dad, but there is something about him when he lectures that is so funny! I can’t get him out of my head. I try to sit in the front every time, so I think he might know! Danni, would that be weird to e-mail him and see if he wanted to chat during office hours? Could I go to coffee with him? I have no idea what to do, but I have to do something! What do you think?

Dear “Naughty School Girl,”

Tell me about it.

There definitely is something raw and sexy about a man that is intellectually savvy and has a sense of humor to match-especially when you know that sitting in a desk in front of said person is as close as you’re ever gonna get. It’s called sexual tension, baby. We have MTV and Britney Spears to thank for that.

I think this type of sexual tension has been around way before Britney could fit into that schoolgirl outfit.

Women, by nature, progress from a maturity-perspective much quicker than men. Therefore, it stands to reason that women would be attracted to older, more stable and mature men. However, this doesn’t mean we all need to run out and start dating men our father’s age.

Consider that your crush may stem from the lack of intellectually stimulating conversations from other men your age-few, if any, freshman men posses that charismatic

communication spark. Compared to a middle-aged man with education and experience under his belt, well…there is just no competition.

Also consider that perhaps your heat is fueled by the classic “forbidden passion” that November’s issue of Newsweek credited for 17.5 percent of middle class America’s student/teacher affairs.

I know you don’t see yourself as a

statistic, but honey, I had a music professor once that I fantasized about during class all semester long. And if I was thinking it, so were 10 other girls. Don’t feel alone. We’ve all fantasized.

But that’s just it: They’re simply fantasies. Nothing good can ever come from: “So, umm, is this gonna be weird in class tomorrow?” Think about it. I did. Over and over and over. Proposing an innocent office-hours chat may seem completely valid, but if you’ve been putting out the flirt vibe, than he’s going to see right through it.

Not to mention the ethical/legal issues surrounding such an act could cost him his teaching, and/or your suspension from campus (read all about such authority/submissive relationship taboos in the U’s explicit sexual harassment policy, which effectively prohibits these types of relationships). Not to mention the associated self-esteem issues that would inevitably cloud your judgment.

To be blunt, this predicament has disaster written all over it. If you walk

away from this advice with nothing else, know this and know it well:

Never get involved with someone who can’t completely and honestly get involved with you.

You will spend your nights waiting for him to e-mail, to call, to drop by and it will make you pull out your hair.

I know a torrid love affair with your professor may sound terribly passionate and romantic, and all the things that Italian Sundance films are made of, BUT at the end of the day, he’s just a man who went to a whole bunch of school, and you’re someone who registered for his class. His student. STUDENT.

There, I know I’ve crushed your hopes of pursuit, but no one said you can’t still fantasize!

[email protected]