Feb. 15Tuesday
Funny story about last night: Calendar takes a seat at one of Salt Lake City’s finer social clubs, enjoying an inconspicuous, oversized, “virgin” beverage alone as we’re quietly mulling over the true meaning of love, when we’ll find it, and who, when we do find it, will be associated with it.
Next thing we know, some goon comes at us with a pool cue, screaming something about his “girl,” stains, a hot tub, and 7 years of marriage gone to a lush pseudo-intellectual something or other’s lies-we weren’t really listening. However, we did what we had to do-defend ourselves. We broke that pool cue off right on homeboy’s dome, and then put it right where it belongs: in his shallow, splinter-ridden hollow heart.
We talked our way out of a manslaughter charge-remember, he did come after us-but as part of our plea bargain, we’re being forced to take part in a sensitivity/monogamy training course, starting with “Dr. Phil’s Primetime Special: Romance Rescue” on CBS, 8 p.m. tonight. Watch us kick that bald-eagle’d Oprahite in the head and then…
You get it. Next on the sensitivity training circuit: the emo-show. Nothing to soften out the edges like the Lo-Fi Caf (127 S. West Temple) and bumming smokes out to throngs of high school sophomores. All Calendar knows is with a band name like Hidden In Plain View, it’s no secret what types (think: black-on-black) are going to be rocking out at 7 p.m. Tickets are $8 from 24tix.com.
As part of our rehabilitation, we’ve also been “advised” to attend-for free -motivational speaker Chad Hymas, a World-Class Wheelchair Athlete, who’s speaking tonight from 8-9 p.m. in the Fine Arts Auditorium as part of Sigma Gamma Chi week. Motivational speakers who didn’t make the cut?
Hank Williams III and Assjack (which, technically, is what we gave the Bar Goon). Hank Williams III is, yes, a descendant of the man himself. Did he inherit the genetic BAC (7.2) and feisty temperament of his old man? Toss a bottle at the stage and find out when they play The Velvet Room (155 W. 200 South) tonight; doors at 8:30 p.m. Tickets are $14 from Smith’sTix.com.