Million Dollar Calendar

Feb. 25FridayCalendar hates going to the mailbox. First, we have to deal with pizza coupons. We hate pizza coupons: They’re everywhere. Then, there’s the conscious concern over postal workers freaking out and biting people and giving them rabies. Now, there are people who think they’re cute by FedEx-ing a Happy Meal full of Anthrax straight to your “Our Home Is a Happy Home” doormat, too.

If we could, we’d send a band like Letter Kills, playing tonight at Lo-Fi Caf (165 S. West Temple) return-to-sender. They’d probably end up all dishelved, somewhere near Orem, Utah, only a few steps away from Bert McCracken’s “Our Tweak Is Happy Tweak!” doormat. Tickets are $10 from Smith’sTix, show starts at 7 p.m.

The last time Calendar had to kick someone’s ass while simultaneously dancing, the dude got his dome split on the bottom of the Union’s DDR machine. And that was only the last time. If we got to bust out some of the Capoeira (an Afro-Brazilian dance style combining martial arts and breakdancing) taught to us by our boys in DanceBrazil, performing tonight in Kingsbury Hall (1395 E. Presidents’ Circle) from 7:30-9:30 p.m. you think SmackTalk McSmackerson would ever come around again? Tickets are available from ArtTix.org or the Kingsbury Hall box office.

The publicity department over at the IRS needs some work-people think of the IRS and they associate having their face kicked in over and over and over. And once their face pops out, having their face kicked in yet again (when they get their tax-returns back, of course). So it’s nice, really, to know that there’re good people around trying to help us not get our faces so-kicked-in. Today from 1-4 p.m. in BUC 104, Beta Alpha Psi is sponsoring the Voluntary Income Tax Assistance program, where you can come and get your taxes done…for F-R-E-E.

Feb. 26SaturdayNo preface needed-Jack Mormons (the band) are going to be causing a drunken ruckus at Ego’s (668 S. State) around 8 p.m. on Saturday night. Tickets are $12, but really, we couldn’t pay enough…21 and older, but if you’ve got your recommend, really-why not?

Because you’re in a cult, that’s why!…a Sugarcult, who’re playing 7 p.m. Saturday night at Lo-Fi Caf (1395 E. President’s Circle), as part of the Take Action! tour. We’re not so sure what they’re taking action on, but it costs $20 from Smith’sTix outlets everywhere. How punk.

Feb. 27SundayMuddy hole dwellers, FYI: The 77th Annual Academy Awards are on tonight from 8:30-11:30 p.m. on ABC-Chris Rock hosts. Anybody rooting for “Vera Drake” still doesn’t get it.