Clearing the air: Everyone’s got something to say about elections, so let’s just say them all at once

By Carrie Ferrera, Edward Stevenson, RuthAnne Frost

Should campaigns solicit donations? Is the money well used?

RuthAnne: Yes. I want to see who can raise the most money because fund-raising and money management will be a huge part of their jobs.

Carrie: No. I wouldn’t give these morons 2 cents for their ridiculous campaigns. You could use that money for better lunchmeat and making go-carts more accessible to students.

Ed: If someone is dumb enough to donate for the purpose of bagel handouts, we should just lament their decision.

Should the campaigns give food and other handouts?

Carrie: What is the point? I could accept food from the PINC Party till I am sick to my stomach, but that doesn’t mean I would actually vote for them, or any other party for that matter. But if you’re going to do it, at least make it good!

RuthAnne: Yes. If you’re going to spend a bunch of money, it might as well be on me. However, those bagels suck.

Ed: Only cotton candy.

Should the campaigns use loud music?

RuthAnne: Yes. They will be planning parties in the next school year and I want to get a preview of their musical tastes.

Carrie: Definitely not! It’s annoying; I hate most of the music and I don’t want to see anyone dancing on the library plaza.

Ed: If it is live and good, then yes. Any loser can hire a DJ with big crappy speakers. But have some respect when near classrooms.

Should campaigns throw huge weekend parties?

Ed: If they can throw a good party off campus with their own money, then we can trust them with our student fees.

Carrie: It’s gotta be nice to know someone with a $30+ million house. I would go to that… if I were brain dead.

RuthAnne: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: It’s all about the parties.

Should campaigns be allowed to solicit students on the way to class?

RuthAnne: Sure. If you don’t want to talk to campaign volunteers, just tell them to get lost.

Carrie: When I am trying to make it to my next class, I don’t want to hear two words from Students First or PINC.

Ed: What hypocrisy. No one is friendly the rest of the year. Ask me my name to forget it in a second. Act like you care but you will never represent my opinion.

What makes a good candidate?

Ed: The one that is the best entertainer. That, after all, is what the job is. Just like in real political elections.

Carrie: Someone with previous leadership experience, dedication, honesty and commitment to the position. Also, it’s important for the candidates to be realistic (unlike this year’s candidates).

RuthAnne: Creativity, work ethic and integrity. And not to be redundant, but the ability to plan and execute a good party.

Should candidates promise to lobby for lower tuition?

Carrie: No. Because it’s NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.

RuthAnne: No. That’s a total waste of time. It’s fine to lobby against tuition increases, but tuition won’t ever decrease.

Ed: If it gets them elected to deceive gullible students, let them say they will lobby. We know nothing productive will come of it.

Which party do you think will be more successful?

Ed: PINC. It’s about keeping it simple-one name, one color, a bunch of banners. No one honestly thinks about whom they vote for.

RuthAnne: I think Students First will do a better job simply because they seem like nerds. The PINC people seem cool and nice, but nerds are perfectionists. Nerds are willing to dedicate their entire lives to something like student government.

Carrie: I think they are all a joke. This is a completely overblown, out of control process.

What do you think of None of the Above Party?

Carrie: I think they are realistic and even though they won’t win, at least they give the students of the U another option that’s not totally politicized and manipulative.

RuthAnne: They’re really funny. If only they spent more money on us.

Ed: They are definitely the wisest.

What should the purpose of ASUU be?

Carrie: Help the real student groups be more productive (like boys soccer!). Support RHA and LDSSA and get rid of those lame- ass Crimson Nights and start helping the upperclassmen.

RuthAnne: To throw mind-blowing parties as often as possible. To improve our image locally and nationally, thereby facilitating student recruitment. Constantly make fun of BYU. College is meant to be a good time. People take it too seriously. ASUU is never going to be able to lower our tuition, they might as well throw some bitchin’ parties.

Ed: To entertain and titillate the student body. If we want policy action, we need a separate organization that sits on the Academic Senate and Board of Trustees with voting power.

Should ASUU officials be paid?

RuthAnne: Nope. Other student leaders put in as much time and effort in their respective positions simply for the experience and the right to mention it on their rsums. Isn’t being able to tell people you were the student body president of the U enough? Other top institutions don’t feel the need to pay their student government officials, and neither should we.

Carrie: Absolutely not. It’s an extra-curricular activity, good for boosting your rsum, not paying your rent. Look at the poor RAs who get their rent paid and deal with all the nuts in the resident halls.

Ed: No, the rsum bullet and networking is worth enough. A full scholarship is fine.

What do you think of the platforms?

Ed: Stuff and fluff. We know, you are going to save the rainforest, feed the poor, cure AIDS and invent a side effect-free pill to cure obesity. Why even print a little flier to state it?

Carrie: I don’t even follow the elections, really. Who cares? I have more important things to worry about, like finding a job after graduation. Why don’t the candidates help me with that?

RuthAnne: They’re OK. They’re mostly saying the exact same thing.

Should ASUU be elected or appointed?

Carrie: Appointed because students don’t vote on campus, so how is the election process democratic? No one participates (or cares).

RuthAnne: They should duke it out “American Gladiator” style.

Ed: They should have a dance-off competition. You can pick one of two categories: Napoleon Dynamite or Dance Dance Revolution. Then more people would vote.

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