The Chronicle’s View: Wedding of the century!

Congratulations to ASUU President Alex Lowe and Humanities Senator and College Republican leader Danielle Fowles, who recently announced their plans to marry.

These two confident student leaders will no doubt have an electric relationship that will inspire Americans to join grassroots movements protesting gay marriage.

Their love for service and recognition could be put to good use for the benefit of all students. Why not sign the two up to star in the next reality TV “Newlyweds” show?

Nick and Jessica were boring and dumb. Alex and Danielle will be arrogant and outspoken.

The money generated from their show could be used to get the recycling program going and supplement the new Recreation center.

Lowe has promised recycling since the beginning of his term and has managed to get a lot of little green bracelets that say, “recycle” and green T-shirts for the ASUU office.

No closer to actually having bins around campus and now in debt for the T-shirts, a TV contract is just what’s needed.

Once the wedding is over, hopefully Fowles will have time to respond to one of The Chronicle’s ASUU Senator surveys. She’s one of only two senators who has never replied.

Americans will be able to watch them vote Republican together in ’08 and go to church every Sunday.

U President Mike Young has agreed to perform the ceremony for the anxious two.

“We’re so excited to be able to represent the U as a couple,” Fowles said as she showed off the rock Lowe’s $10,000-a-year salary afforded.

“It wouldn’t be this big if ASUU hadn’t picked up my cell phone bill,” Lowe said.

Fowles’ parents are concerned about what the kids will look like.

Seven-foot bald children with angry scowls who lean to the right might startle some people and ruin the couple’s chances of being elected to the U.S. Senate together.

This is especially worrisome to Fowles, who knows full well that her degree in humanities will land her a job at Abercrombie and Fitch after graduation.

“I actually prefer the GAP, a lot of homosexuals work for that other store,” Fowles said.

Rumor has it Elizabeth Taylor has been helping with wedding plans.

“We really believe in the sanctity of marriage and want advice from someone who has a lot of experience with weddings,” Lowe said.

Disclaimer: The above article is part The Chronicle’s annual April Fool’s Day issue. All events are fictional and plots are satirical…in other words, all of this is completely made up. So don’t call your lawyers.