May the power of Calendar compel you!

April 6Wednesday

What do you get when you amass anybody who’s garnered celebrity from reality TV shows, leaked sex tapes, Dr. Phil appearances, or now, past-due mall-punk ‘hit’ records? A group of All American Rejects, who’ll be kicking out crack-coated candy-pop anthems like “Swing Swing” and “My Paper Heart” tonight at In The Venue (219 S. 600 West). Tickets are $15 from Smith’sTix, doors at 7 p.m.

Calendar’s father, from the time we were a wee, wee Calendar, was your average fire-and-brimstone type of Joe: damnation this, sin that, our burning flesh in the deepest pits of hell-you get the idea. Maybe it had something to do with him arming himself with an ever-present bottle of 180-proof imported Everclear as his ‘holy water,’ or maybe it was him being ordained as a man of the church by The Reverend Horton Heat, who’ll be delivering “Mass” to a crowd of rowdy drunken…rowdy drunks tonight at The Church of Shaggy’s Velvet Room (155 W. 200 South). Tickets are $16 from St. Smith’sTix (the patron saint of ripping brokeass college kids off), doors open at 7:30 p.m. 21 and older, because they’re just too many liabilities (and potentials jokes) bringing children around one very sauced-up man of the cloth.

And speaking of semi rock stars mistaking themselves for Jesus in the name of underrated, underexposed late ’90s heroin rock, 2003 Sundance Film Festival sweeper “DIG!” screens for F-R-E-E at Brewvies (677 S. 200 West) tonight for students at 7 p.m. 21 and older, because the kids are alright. Let’s keep them that way.

A great man once said that he’d seen the top of the mountain…so why the hell didn’t he go over? Had he, we’re almost positive he would’ve found fields of poppies and virgins and schnozzberries (oh, how we want to taste a schnozzberry)-or at least that’s what we would’ve found. A bunch of hippies found bluegrass music-acid reference count for the week: six-in the form of the Yonder Mountain Bluegrass Band at Park City’s Suede (1612 Ute. Blvd at Kimball Junction) tonight when the doors open 7 p.m. Tickets are $18 from Smith’sTabs, 21 and older.