Fredo, you broke Calendar’s heart

Thursday

April 7

Calendar and La Costra Calendar have been charged with many a crime: sexism, public indecency, spinelessness, egotism, racketeering, bestiality, Calendarcentricity, and so on and so forth. We won’t dignify these accusations with a response, as per our legal-advisory think tank. Yet, there’s one thing we’ll never be pinned for/accused of, because it’s just so far and beyond our repertoire: accepting blame for something we didn’t do. Why do that when we have legions of Calendarphiles ready to Take The Fall, which, incidentally, is the name of the newest indie-rock freak show taking over Kilby Court (741 S. 330 West) tonight around 7 p.m. Tickets are $6-$8 at the door.

Speaking of mitigating ‘legalities,’ we have a few unspoken bylaws around the A&E office, the most important of which is: Thou shalt not listen to mall punk for any reason, unless thou is willing to face eternal taste-damnations by our plethora of a music staff full of angry rock snobs. Not that we’re willing to credit the senior citizens in Unwritten Law with being so brilliant as to make our unspokens the target of one of the top 10 most ironic band names…ever…but we are willing to make a note of it. They play In The Venue (220 S. 600 West) tonight at 6:30 p.m. Tickets are $17, which is (also, ironically) the expected attendance count and average age of who’ll be showing up.

There’s nothing funny about homelessness, especially homeless youth. There is something funny, however, about a man dressed as a woman dressed as a man, a l “Victor Victoria.” Don’t expect any of that tonight at Ego’s (668 S. State St.), where they’ll be holding the Homeless Youth Resource Center Benefit featuring Quadraphonic and The Modern Soul Movement tonight. What do drinking and benefiting homeless youth have in common, you ask? We think the logic might go something like “more for us, less for them,” but we’re not entirely sure just yet. We’ll keep you posted.

We thought the General Conference booked it out of dodge already-guess not. Zion Tribe will be playing at Port O’Call (78 W. 400 South) tonight to celebrate the FLDS Church’s official debut, as well as their drinking policy: free Mai Tai’s every fourth wife! 8 p.m. and regular cover at the door. Other barskis for youskis: College Night at Cheers To You (315 S. Main) and Cabana Club (31 E. 400 South) tonight.

If we could put together our own Team America, the starting lineup would go something like this: Abe Lincoln, center; JFK and Bobby K., forwards; Clinton, ‘shooting’ guard; FDR, point guard; Hoover and W headlining the cheerleading squad; and finally, Rove (who like Larry Brown, can win a championship without having that much going for his team) coaching. “Team America” screens tonight for F-R-E-E at the Post Theatre at Fort Douglas from 8-10 p.m.