the buzz bin: “All the gossip that’s fit to print”

Maynard finds Jesus…Psych!

Hot on the dreadlocks of Korn-expatriate Brian “Head” Welch, Tool’s infamously sacrilegious front man Maynard James Keenan announced recently that he has been born again and will be leaving his band to follow Christ.

The best part: People actually believed him.

“I was actually quite surprised that people bought it. Especially considering most of the subject matter of my work.” Maynard told “MTV News.”

Speaking of sheep, Head is still hard at work trying to steer G-Unit rhyme-spitter 50 Cent toward the path of Christ.

He maintains that the devil is using Fitty as a powerful tool and that he needs to embrace the good Lord before it becomes too late. Sadly, this one is no joke.

Buzz Bin is pursuing a similarly likely effort as we try to persuade our publicist to drink a gallon of mayonnaise.

As if being a strung-out,

washed-up crack-rocker weren’t bad enough…

It’s still up in the air whether Pete Doherty is better known for his work with Brit-rockers The Libertines, his torrid engagement with Kate Moss or his gossip-inciting crack habit, but thanks to an ex-girlfriend, he can now add failure-in-the-sack to his rap sheet.

Doherty’s ex, Carole Desbois, recently told London’s News of the World that Doherty, “never kept going sexually for more than a few minutes…He often went limp during sex because of the drugs.”

Ouch, shot to the heart. However, it doesn’t stop there.

After adding that he is intimately inexperienced, she stated that, “[His] grimey odor would have put me off having sex.” In turn, she did everything from wash his hair to clip his fingernails before even spending time with him.

Buzz Bin’s lesson for kids: Brush your teeth, don’t do drugs and don’t date tattle-tales.

Alicia sells out: Cruel or just Clueless?

Longtime animal rights activist and star of such silver-screen classics as “Beauty Shop,” “Excess Baggage” and “Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed,” Alicia Silverstone, recently threw her J. Mendel-clad foot into her herbivorous mouth as she donned a silk dress of Mendel’s not once, but twice.

For those unlike Buzz (I.e. Not-in-the-know), silk is a fabric constructed from the thread of certain insect larvae harvested by boiling the worms’ cocoons while they are still alive. Animal-friendly? The Buzz Bin thinks not.

Silverstone, who was voted World’s Sexiest Vegetarian by PETA in 2004, has taken a strong stance in the film and fashion industry, speaking out against the atrocities of using animal products for fabric and food. She has consistently demanded cruelty-free wardrobes and spoken to many fashion and costume designers about the issue.

Only time will tell if Silverstone has sold the proverbial farm and left her convictions in the barn, but at least the folks over at J. Mendel are happy about the decision.

“We thought Alicia looked great in the dress. It’s the best it’s ever looked on anyone.” Further proof that hypocrisy is indeed the new black.

Dan Fletcher and Eryn Green