Peeping Tom

Brigham Young University

The Daily Universe

In the article “Bear claws Y student,” published Nov. 1, The Universe reported that “When Troy Larsgard set out for a camping trip last weekend, he never imagined his dedication to dental hygiene would cause him so much trouble. A bear attracted by the smell of Larsgard’s toothpaste ripped through his tent Friday morning and clawed him, leaving a 4-inch cut and a hand-sized bruise on his thigh.”

Luckily, Larsgard’s life was saved after the bear was too full from eating his wife and eight children.

In a letter to the editor published Nov. 1, Robbie Pierce explained how he is no longer human, but rather a deer.

“I am a deer…I decided to cross the nearby road. As I was crossing I heard a shocking noise to my left.

“There was scarcely time to get all the way across before a whiny freshman turned and yelled at me from about a foot away.”

The student’s name was really Austin Ainge. The deer was charged with his fifth foul and was benched.

In a letter to the editor published Oct. 1, Larrisa Estes wrote, “Frankly, if a complete stranger comes up to me on campus with a plastered smile on their face and says ‘hi,’ all the while secretly playing some twisted ‘Wives of Stepford’ game, I am either going to ignore them or return their smile with a scowl.

“The fake ‘I care about everyone!’ attitude is so nauseating.” A day later many BYU students wrote in telling Estes how awesome and wonderful her letter was.

In a letter to the editor published Nov. 1, Lewis Young warned students of wild beasts that roam campus.

“Most students may walk about unaware, but in the bushes there are vicious beasts waiting for the right moment to attack….Years ago, I saw several deer jump across 900 East late one night toward the MTC-a whole pack of the monsters, probably going to attack some unsuspecting elder or BYU coed.”

Later Young realized he was on an acid trip and living a scene out of “The Ring Two.”

Salt Lake Community College

The Globe

In the article “Breast augmentations growing,” published Nov. 2, The Globe reported “Breast Implants: $3150, Anesthesiologist: $200, Medication/specialty bras: $100.

“A newfound confidence: priceless.”

Nothing like a much-needed confidence boost after realizing you go to SLCC.

Utah State University

The Statesman

In a letter to the editor published Oct. 31, Steve wrote, “I am a student looking at Utah State University as my college of choice…I have visited the college and I love the campus, but my main concern is something you can’t exactly take a tour of…Mormons…I personally do not care for them, and sometimes get very annoyed at their goodie-goodyness.”

A day after publishing, Steve barely survived an attack by Mark Hacking but then was killed hours later after opening a package sent by Mark Hoffman.

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