Editor:

I read with interest the recent letter to the editor from Jeff Rifleman, representing Men and Fathers for Justice (“Male victims of domestic violence have little recourse,” Nov. 23).

Rifleman accurately stated that more funds are available for programs focusing on women as victims of men than on men as victims of women.

However, the more important issue regarding domestic violence-whether the victim is a man or a woman-is, “Why don’t they leave?”

I’ve learned from people who work with abuse victims that the most difficult aspect of domestic violence is the tendency of the victims to return to their abuser time and time again.

My book, Breaking Free from Boomerang Love; Getting Unhooked from Borderline Personality Disorder Relationships, helps abuse victims see clearly how disturbed their partner is and the reality of their situation. This enables them to clearly see the danger they’re living in and to begin to strategize how to safely move on with their lives.

I experienced an emotionally abusive relationship with a former partner. I, too, went back over and over, each time believing that the hurtful actions wouldn’t happen again. I believed, probably as many of the domestic violence victims in your city do right now, that if I could just love my partner enough, the damage done by his childhood experiences would disappear.

I didn’t know that 30 to 60 percent of domestic violence abusers are suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder-a thinking disorder that makes people misperceive the interactions they have with others, overreact and then act out the rage they still have stored inside from their abusive childhoods.

I’m concerned for the many people in your community who are still living today in abusive relationships-perhaps even fearing for their very lives. They don’t know about Borderline Personality Disorder. Perhaps Boomerang Love can help them-before it’s too late.

Lynn Melville

Santa Maria, Calif.