The University of Utah's Independent Student Voice

The Daily Utah Chronicle

The University of Utah's Independent Student Voice

The Daily Utah Chronicle

The University of Utah's Independent Student Voice

The Daily Utah Chronicle

Write for Us
Want your voice to be heard? Submit a letter to the editor, send us an op-ed pitch or check out our open positions for the chance to be published by the Daily Utah Chronicle.
@TheChrony
Print Issues

198Calendar

Friday

Dec. 2

When Calendar’s not single-handedly compromising the integrity of The Daily Utah Chronicle, we volunteer at homeless shelters, donate our hair to charity, donate our charity to hair and generally live the philanthropic life we apparently misrepresented as the phallus-thropic life-we’re not so good with words, you know.

Either way, Adjacent to Nothing and Idiocracy, Calendar’s not such a bad guy, playing tonight at Club Vegas (445 S. 400 West) at 8 p.m. for $5.

We mean, we’ve won Nobel Peace prizes-like, 12 of them-and you’ve won No Bell Piece of Crap Prizes, like, 45 of them.

We’re just saying…

But, Calendar must apologize-yes, sometimes we go a little too far, but its all in fair-game attempts to respect your (our readerly beloveds’) intellectual ability to discern A FREAKIN’ JOKE from, well, anything else in this newspaper.

We just have a lot of Naked Aggression, playing at Lo-Fi Caf (165 S. West Temple) at 7 p.m. for $10, that’s all.

Calendar still loves you.

Saturday

Dec. 3

Which is to say, today marks an important day in the long and illustrated (er, illustrious…sorry, still not so good with them words) life of the Man From Calendar Country.

Indeed, we never thought it would happen, but Calendar’s spine has been collapsed under the weight of a heavy hand and a broad-based move to curb our infantile enthusiasm.

We’re waving the white flag, just so as not to perturb the virgin-eared and harlot-eyed.

That’s right; we Cave In, playing at Lo-Fi Caf (165 S. West Temple) at 6 p.m. for $8.

Gone are the days of Nilla Wafers-and-Cream, two-day-long poop conversations with John Stossel and soap, flower-pickin’ in the rain, necrophilic sensibilities (sorry grandma, we know you loved that), anything borderline in-apropos (damn you, words! Foiled again!).

And-most assuredly-gone are the fabled days of Calen-yore when the sky rained milk chocolate, the people cared for one another and in every single department store nationwide could be found The Pussycat Dolls, playing at Harry O’s (427 Main Street) in Park City at 8:30 p.m. for $25.

Goodbye vanguard.

Hello cardboard.

C’est la Calendar.

Leave a Comment

Comments (0)

We welcome feedback and dialogue from our community. However, when necessary, The Daily Utah Chronicle reserves the right to remove user comments. Posts may be removed for any of the following reasons: • Comments on a post that do not relate to the subject matter of the story • The use of obscene, threatening, defamatory, or harassing language • Comments advocating illegal activity • Posts violating copyrights or trademarks • Advertisement or promotion of commercial products, services, entities, or individuals • Duplicative comments by the same user. In the case of identical comments only the first submission will be posted. Users who habitually post comments or content that must be removed can be blocked from the comment section.
All The Daily Utah Chronicle Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *