Priestess
Hello Master
RCA
Two-and-a-half out of five stars
You know when you’re at a rock show and the guy next to you keeps whipping you in the face with his long, sweaty hair because he’s headbanging so vigorously?
That’s what listening to Hello Master is like.
Stringy, wet hair?in the face?for 40 minutes.
You might call Priestess the Canadian Guns N’ Roses.
But these boys from Montreal certainly don’t sound like the hipster, indie, arty stuff that’s been coming out of that city lately (i.e., The Stills and Les Georges Leningrad).
No, Priestess will probably appeal to the full-bearded, combat-boot-wearing, Keystone Light-drinking set with its thick-as-molasses riffs and scratchy, screamy vocals.
The upside is that the band encompasses all the campy goodness of cheesy ’80s butt-rock bands, such as Guns N’ Roses, AC/DC and Metallica.
The downside is that Priestess appears to take itself seriously.
It’s great when a band wants to pay homage to its influences from 20 years ago, but it’s weird when it’s trying to be the new AC/DC or the new Metallica.
That’s just embarrassing.
Hey guys, I don’t know if you knew this, but those bands are no longer relevant.
But Priestess’ “deep” lyrics are even more embarrassing: “If at first you don’t succeed it’s normal/ But the second time you’re expected to perform/ We perform.”
What are they talking about?
This song is probably supposed to be some emotional account of overcoming adversity to rock the world, but who the hell cares?
Priestess should sing about screwing sluts backstage, like all good butt-rock bands.
That would be paying tribute.
