Obey the unspoken laws, Part II

The other day, I made a quick stop in one of the restrooms in OSH, and like most guys, I paused for a split-second to determine which of the 25 urinals I’d choose to do my business in.

I was careful not to take one that is in direct view of the giant mirrors on the wall (why they’re in that location, I’m still trying to figure out-however, if you are in direct view, it’s an unspoken law violation), and I took a spot where I was sure I’d have sufficient personal area.

A moment later some guy I didn’t know entered the restroom and obviously didn’t take that split-second to make his choice, as he pulled up right next to me in the adjacent urinal.

I was furious! Rather than taking any of the other 24 choices, he invaded my once-comfortable space, instantly breaking the unspoken law of unnecessarily getting too close to another man while in a public restroom.

He then took it another step when he tried to strike up some small talk. He made me want to flee the scene as soon as I was able to, but once it starts going, you can’t stop the flowing.

A bathroom is supposed to be a place of refuge, not a place to socialize, especially with a stranger. Even if you see a good friend, anything more than a quick, cool “man’s nod of acknowledgement” is unacceptable.

Why we act in certain ways in certain places, I don’t know. I didn’t come up with these unspoken laws; society did. I am simply putting them in print.

Sadly, I am not a lone victim in this type of situation. Unspoken law violators are out there everywhere, and every day thousands of people must face undesirable circumstances just like mine.

Take my friend for example. It was yet another quality day at the gym. He’d worked out hard, and it was time for him to hit the showers and get home to pursue the remainder of the day’s events.

He turned the corner and started making his way to his locker, when shockingly, much to his displeasure, he found that someone had broken an essential unspoken law.

Rather than complying with customary acts of courtesy, the person decided it would be all right for him to strut his stuff wherever he pleased wearing nothing but a smile.

Now, the unspoken law states that when people need to change after working out at the gym, they simply face their locker and remain in that direction until properly clothed.

Unfortunately, this guy didn’t seem to understand this law, and now my poor friend will have to spend hours watching Jessica Alba movies so that he can rid himself of the awful imprint that has grabbed hold of his mind.

And it could have all been avoided if people just opened their eyes to the unspoken laws.

It’s funny how many of these laws are actually out there. People seem to conform to certain laws of the universe, although they aren’t actually stated anywhere.

The car is another amusing place to watch people. There seems to be a law that states that people can’t see you while you’re in your car, so it’s OK to dance, sing or pick your nose.

It’s like people think there is some invisible barrier blocking the view of passersby, so they can do things they wouldn’t usually do in the eyes of the public.

Plus, if three people are going to enter a vehicle, one passenger must take shotgun, because an unspoken law states that the driver cannot appear to be a chauffer (unlike picking your nose, this would be noticed) with two passengers in the back seat and no one up front. If you do this, you look like a loser.

So, if you are one of these people who break these unspoken laws, just don’t anymore.

Why, you ask? I don’t really know. That’s just the way it is.