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The University of Utah's Independent Student Voice

The Daily Utah Chronicle

The University of Utah's Independent Student Voice

The Daily Utah Chronicle

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Want your voice to be heard? Submit a letter to the editor, send us an op-ed pitch or check out our open positions for the chance to be published by the Daily Utah Chronicle.
@TheChrony
Print Issues

Atlantic has an Ocean of midseason intrigue

So I went to Monster.com, trying to get a head start on the whole “graduating from college and getting a real job” thing. And I figured the National Basketball Association was a good place to get my start–something with entry-level qualifications. Something like, say, General Manager or Vice President of Basketball Operations (I assumed head coaching positions would require “experience” or something). Yes, that would be the ticket.But, much to my surprise, there weren’t any such openings available on the job-search Web site. I even checked other search engines–still nothing. I wasn’t about to let that deter my pursuits, though, so I went straight to the source. I called a few NBA teams myself.Naturally, the gentlemen I talked to were nonplussed (they probably get these types of requests all the time). But they just didn’t bite.I didn’t understand–GMs and coaches drop like flies these days. What’s their average shelf life–a year? Maybe two? The job turnover rate is sky-high, so I know the openings are there–or they will be. Interestingly enough, I got the most interest from the Atlantic Division. I offered them my services, gave them a b****in’ Power Point presentation and even offered to take half the going rate to take over for, say, Isiah Thomas or Billy King. And they very nearly bit–I even got as far as the negotiation stage until The Man started holding me down. But this isn’t about me–this is about you, and all of us. Because if these guys can run multi-million dollar pro sports franchises, so can you. And along with the silly new technical-foul rules and that ridiculous new non-leather ball, it’s screwing up the NBA. So let’s look at my almost-stomping ground of the Atlantic:

1. New Jersey Nets (56-26)So the frontcourt doesn’t exist. So Jason Kidd is showing his age. So Vince Carter doesn’t play defense. I grant all of these things. That said, there aren’t any perfect teams in the NBA, and quite simply, New Jersey seems to be the only team in the division that has shown any common sense. The Nets haven’t handicapped their salary cap and haven’t spontaneously brought in aging, overpaid “name” players. They can play a little D, they can shoot a little?they’re the only group in this bunch that actually looks like a good team, despite half the pure, raw talent of the nearby Knicks.Plus, Carter is in a contract year–is there a chance he could chuck up 40 shots and 37 points per game this season?

2. Philadelphia 76ers (44-38)Come on, who else is coming in second in this crap division? I know the Sixers’ flaws as well as anybody else. I look at this team and don’t understand how Billy King still has a job. He’s saddled his superstar former MVP guard (who even at his age, and after all the abuse he’s taken, has put together phenomenal back-to-back seasons) with a bunch of players who are completely at odds with one another. How can you balance all of these extreme strengths and weaknesses into one semi-cohesive unit? Answer (ha ha): You can’t. Kyle Korver is the team’s best long-range shooter, but he can’t guard anyone. Andre Iguodala is a great defender, but he’s offensively erratic. Chris Webber can still shoot and rebound a little, but he’s slower than hell and the worst defender this side of Glenn Robinson. He needs to be a DH equivalent or something. Samuel Dalembert can block shots but can’t provide an offensive presence down low. I don’t know what to make of this team–it’s just that, after New Jersey, it’s the best option.

3. Boston Celtics (40-42)Even if Rajon Rondo is as good as Bill Simmons thinks he is, I find it hard to trust anything about this team, with the exception of Paul Pierce. I desperately want Al Jefferson to evolve into the player we all know he’s capable of being, and I like Allan Ray, as well. But would YOU trust a team that featured Michael Olowokandi, Wally Szczerbiak and Sebastian Telfair playing big minutes? Me neither.

4. Toronto Raptors (29-53)Wow.Just?wow. I look at the roster and see two quality basketball players: Chris Bosh, half of Morris Peterson and half of T.J. Ford. After that, you’re scraping the bottom of the NBA barrel. I didn’t understand the Ford trade this offseason; Charlie Villanueva was one of the breakout surprises of last season, and they unload him for an erratic point guard who can’t shoot and still hasn’t put it together. Why do we even have NBA teams in Canada? Why do we bother?

5. New York Knicks (3-79)Stephon Marbury. Steve Francis. Jamal Crawford. Quentin Richardson. Jerome James. Jared Jeffries. Nate Robinson. Eddy Curry.Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid. Countdown to Isiah’s imminent firing: T-minus 40 games.

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