On his Web site, “The Best Page in the Universe,” George Ouzounian writes about sponsoring vegetarians. He informs his readers that, if they go out to a restaurant with a friend who refuses to eat meat, then the reader should “sponsor” the vegetarian friend and eat three times the amount of meat he or she normally would–not only to make up for the meat their vegetarian friend abstains from, but also to inflict damage on the animal population in retribution for the vegetarian’s “moral elitism.”Since 1997, Ouzounian, better known under his pen name of “Maddox,” has been writing about things that irritate him and posting them on his Web site for all the world to read. Since its creation, “The Best Page in the Universe” has attracted more than 178 million hits and is becoming even more popular every day. A Salt Lake City resident and a Utah native, Maddox is an absolute Internet celebrity, with fans across the globe. Originally a software programmer, Maddox quit his job in 2004 and now writes full time, earning a living off his new book, “The Alphabet of Manliness”–which hit #2 on the New York Times Best Seller list–and merchandise sold off his Web site. If you’ve never been to “The Best Page in the Universe”–http://maddox.xmission.com–you ought to take some time to check it out. Like him or hate him, there’s something about his writing that strikes a cord in people. Besides, anyone who hasn’t visited has been missing out on some classic Maddox gems, including, but not limited to, the aforementioned article on the “Vegetarian Moral Crusade,” and others such as, “Love Your Kids? Prove it by Beating Them” and “Crappy Children’s Artwork.”Recently, Maddox took some time to speak to The Daily Utah Chronicle about his Web site, his life and his future.
Aaron Zundel: When you originally started your Web page in 1997, what were your intentions, and where did you expect it to go?Maddox: My intention originally was to spite my close friends and family. I had friends who were vegetarians and others who were activists, so my site started out as sort of a response to their bullsh*t. I never expected anything initially, and I kept writing because I liked writing, even though fewer than five people per month read it in the beginning. That changed to the tune of 1-3 million per month–the readership I have today.
Z: Your sarcastic, usually off-color writing resonates with a lot of people. How much of it do you actually mean? I mean, is “Maddox” more of a stage persona, or is it really “you?”M: Maddox and I occupy the same physical space at the same time. It’s quite remarkable, if you think about it, because very few people have ever been able to do that without the use of a teleportation device or sarcastic responses to a serious interview question.I always mean what I say on some level, but the difference between Maddox and me is, whereas Maddox would find creative ways to detach one’s colon, I would write about the source of my frustration on my Web page using various combinations of the words “ass,” “bag” and “douche.”
Z: You’ve been labeled as a “satirist” by the media. Do you think that is an appropriate term for what you do?A: Sh*t yeah.
Z: Your site has made fun of George W. Bush, vegans, Terry Schiavo and just about everything in between. Is there a rhyme or reason to the topics you pick?M: I never made fun of Terry Schiavo, so much as the morons who were publicly championing a cause that was very private–it was a slow news week, I guess. The only criteria for the topic I pick is that I have something new or interesting to say about it. I’m not the first person to write about the topics I choose, so I know that I’d better be the most interesting person. If the title of my Web page is any indicator, and it is, then I’ve succeeded.
Z: “The Best Page in the Universe” has attracted an enormous following, but some readers have labeled your writing as “chauvinistic,” “bigoted” and “hateful.” Do you see it that way?M: People always say that I’m negative and full of hate. That’s a very pessimistic view of what I do. I prefer to say that my site is full of love for hate. I love to hate things, and I may have the greatest collection of hatred on the Internet, so I’m the most loving person in the world.
Z: Tell me about “Mothers Against Maddox.”M: A couple of years back, I started getting e-mail from people telling me that there was this anti-Maddox group out there called “Mothers Against Maddox.” At first, I thought it was a joke, so I sent out a few of my fans as feelers to test her out. The responses they received were genuine, so as far as I know it’s legitimate. I was relieved when I saw the site, because for the longest time, I thought that the only mother who hated me was my own.
Z: From reading the Web site, one gets the feeling that you’re politically active, yet disgusted with American politics. If there were one thing about American politics you could change, what would it be?M: The left wing and the right wing are part of the same stupid bird. There’s a lot I would change in American politics. For example, I would require all political donations to be done anonymously. That way, politicians wouldn’t know who was bankrolling their campaigns, and they wouldn’t feel pressured to kowtow to special interests. It just makes sense. Also, I would encourage people to stop affiliating themselves with political labels. Labels serve to be divisive, and frankly, there aren’t always two sides to a debate. Sometimes one side is just plain wrong. I oppose child pornography, for example. Care to debate that one?
Z: So you’ve just published your first book, “The Alphabet of Manliness.” Do you have any more in the works? What are your plans for the future?M: I wrote this book primarily to use as leverage to branch my writing into film and television. It turns out that Hollywood doesn’t care about best-selling authors, or anything else for that matter, so I’m going to work just as hard to try to make a name for myself in those fields. I’ve bitched about the garbage Hollywood puts out for years, and now I have an opportunity to do something about it, and I will.
Z: You’re known for your humorous writing style, but the topics you write about on your Web site usually have some sort of societal, cultural or political relevance. Your new book, however, has a distinct lack of commentary and seems to be geared more toward straight comedy. Was that intentional?M: There are three different styles of awesome in my writing. Some of the writing on my Web site is satire, like the article I wrote about how I was outraged about the inclusion of pretend sex in “Grand Theft Auto.” Another style of writing is the “rant,” like articles I’ve written about self-righteous vegetarians. Finally, there’s creative fiction, or “bullsh*t:” articles, like “Why change your car’s oil when your girlfriend can do it?” and “My balls are huge.” I have fans of all three styles of writing, and I tried to incorporate all of the styles throughout my book, with a slightly heavier slant on humor because I wanted this book to be timeless and just as relevant to someone who might pick it up today as it is to someone who picks it up 10 years from now. That automatically rules out most current events, political figures and movie reviews.
Z: It’s vogue to like Chuck Norris these days. How much credit do you think you can take for that?M: I think my book is probably the most mainstream tribute to Chuck Norris, other than his own body of work, which is best described as a tribute to himself.
Z: You’re a graduate of the University of Utah. You must have experienced a lot of differing opinions and diversity during your time here. How would you describe your experience at the U, and what kind of advice would you give to other students?
M: I’ve completed the curriculum, but I’m technically not a graduate. I have about 122 credit hours and a modest 2.99 GPA according to my DARS report, but I still haven’t graduated because I need to pass the advanced math GR
E test. I gave it a half-hearted attempt and came within a few points of passing, but I decided that I had pissed away enough money on a degree that probably wouldn’t add much value to my life (keep in mind that I already had a successful career as a computer programmer at that point), and I think it gives my accomplishments more weight when I tell people I’m a dropout, even though I have the equivalence of a college degree for all practical intents and purposes.Ironically, when I first enrolled at the University of Utah, I took the “writing placement test” and failed. I was relegated to the lowest writing class the university had to offer: Writing 1010. What’s even more ironic is that I learned more in that writing class than any other writing class I’d ever taken, including the writing classes I took afterwards. The professor was a maverick who refused to follow the department curriculum, and taught us very effectively in his own way. I wish more professors were willing to bend the rules like he did.
The University of Utah could probably do a better job of picking out students who don’t fit the mold. Part of the reason I don’t take the GRE and other standardized tests seriously is that these tests only evaluate a person’s short-term memory and whether or not he or she has the stamina to sit through an arduous three-hour test. Standardized tests like the GRE will never tell you whether a student has ever had an original thought, or whether the student has the ingenuity it takes to solve a real-world problem or whether a student is truly exceptional.For example, I happened to be in the same introductory computer science class at the University of Utah that Justin Frankel, creator of the popular MP3 player Winamp, was in. Based on the quality of work he turned in, it was obvious to me that he didn’t belong in that class, yet no professor or TA took note of his work. Brilliant students like Frankel were forced through the same bottleneck that every other student was forced through, so his tenure at the university ended prematurely.
Z: “Contra” or “Symphony of the Night?”
M: Symphony of the Night.
You can find Maddox’s Web page, “The Best Page in the Universe,” at http://maddox.xmission.com. You can find “The Alphabet of Manliness” online at Amazon.com or at your local book retailer.