“Hannibal Rising”Directed by Peter WebberFinally, we’ll discover how Hannibal Lecter became a well-read, man-hungry serial killer. Like we cared.Watch for the scene in which teenage Lecter’s parents catch him noshing on some dude’s liver and Lecter shouts at them, “No one understands me!” and then he slams his bedroom door and cranks up the Wagner. (R)
“Norbit”Directed by Brian RobbinsEddie Murphy plays three roles: a dweeby guy with an afro, his Chinese guardian and an obese woman who crushes (literally) on the dweeby guy.Doesn’t Murphy understand that an actor is supposed to follow-up, not precede, his inevitable Oscar win with a lame, box-office dud? – Unless the worst is yet to come. Yikes. (PG-13)
“The Piano Tuner of Earthquakes”Directed by The Brothers QuayA demented inventor reanimates an 18th-century singer and makes her re-enact the opera that took her life.Almost as disturbing as when Dirt Devil reanimated Gene Kelly and made him dance with a vacuum cleaner. (NR)
MIDNIGHT MADNESS AT THE TOWER! FRIDAY AND SATURDAY!”The Thing”Directed by John CarpenterDon’t you hate it when you’re hanging out with your friend, but it’s not really your friend – it’s a vicious alien who has eaten your friend and taken his form and now plans on eating you? And you’re like, “Joey, stop trying to eat me! Geez!” and he’s like, “RRAAWWRR!” (R)