If Thicke is responsible for driving the human race, it’s time to reconsider

By By Spencer Young

By Spencer Young

Robin ThickeThe Evolution of Robin ThickeInterscope RecordsOne out of five stars

I’m interested in knowing the percentage of children conceived through the luring, lucid sounds of R&B. If it isn’t already known that the R&B field is a ploy designed to keep the earth populated, then The Evolution of Robin Thicke is proof.

Robin Thicke’s latest album has the requisites for living room loving: slow, but steady beats; sultry piano solos; breathy, seductive vocals; simple, innocuous lyrics. All of these laid-back, simple components make for a milieu prime for anyone in the spectrum–ugly or pretty–to get things on.

Case in point: Robin Thicke’s mother and father are Gloria Loring and Alan Thicke.

Now, Loring is a fairly standard, lovely woman–a blonde-haired, blue-eyed singer and actress. Alan Thicke, on the other hand, is the goofy-lookin’ fellow who played the patriarch on the ’80s sitcom “Growing Pains.” I would wager that R&B played a role in the evolution of Robin Thicke.

At its best, The Evolution of Robin Thicke scrapes the surfaces of Prince’s work. At its worst, it serves as perfect slow-grime material for local ugly dancing joints such as Green Street and Port O’ Call. The bulk of the album falls in the latter category.

That said, I’m convinced that Thicke’s music isn’t meant for listening so much as keeping the world’s populations thriving–every track works best as background “mood music” rather than something to be attentively listened to for content and inspiration.

There is one problem with Thicke’s counter-revolution: The people who listen to The Evolution of Robin Thicke (and, in turn, make babies to it) are arguably the types of people who shouldn’t be replenishing, nor adding genetic material to the earth (Note: Al Green isn’t to be lumped into this same category. His sexy music is entirely tenable and worthwhile–one only need listen to Call Me in order to realize Green’s genius and purpose for perpetuating humanity).

I’m now interested in the positive state of humanity that would benefit from the removal of albums such as this one.