The University of Utah's Independent Student Voice

The Daily Utah Chronicle

The University of Utah's Independent Student Voice

The Daily Utah Chronicle

The University of Utah's Independent Student Voice

The Daily Utah Chronicle

Write for Us
Want your voice to be heard? Submit a letter to the editor, send us an op-ed pitch or check out our open positions for the chance to be published by the Daily Utah Chronicle.
Print Issues

The Shinebox: Everybody loves Al!

Move over, Ray Romano. There’s a new king of prime-time TV — a virtuous, good-natured surrogate father for the children of America, ready to impart life lessons and pearls of wisdom at a moment’s notice.

Perhaps you’ve heard of him — does the name Al Sharpton ring a bell?

Yes, the good reverend himself has announced that he is working on his own CBS sitcom tentatively titled — I kid you not — “Al in the Family.”

You just can’t make this stuff up. Anybody who ever took Sharpton seriously, you may now take your seats.

May I just say that this latest development gets a ringing endorsement from yours truly? Two thumbs way up. Four stars. A round of applause, folks. Standing ovation. This has my most unmitigated, enthusiastic approval. I’m practically beaming. No, I am beaming.

“Al in the Family” could be the most visionary achievement of the modern television era — a perfect manifestation of the current state of sociopolitical discourse.

Political “debate” is laughable at best. Since the first televised debates in 1960 between Kennedy and Nixon, politics have been increasingly focused on image. Damn you, Bill Clinton, and your resplendent saxophone playing!

Kennedy was elected because he was cute as a button. George W. Bush was elected twice because people — i.e. those who don’t vote along such a ridiculous concept as “party lines” — liked his personality more than those of Gore and Kerry, because he seems like the kind of guy people would like to have a beer with…or a line of coke. To each his own.

Giving a hyperbolic former presidential candidate his own family sitcom is only a natural progression of this trend. It’s his way of “relating to the kids,” the same way politicians always appear on late-night talk shows like “The Daily Show” these days.

But the question begs to be asked: Is America ready for a loveable TV dad who looks like a lounge singer from a piano bar in Philly? In fact, could the writers at CBS make that happen for me? Could they make Sharpton’s character a lounge singer?

Give the man a mic and let him serenade us with a few tunes. Come on, Al, soothe us with the smooth rhythms of your soul. Try “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin'” — that’s always a favorite.

But will America be able to handle Al Sharpton making love to us with his eyes every Tuesday night at 8:30 p.m. Eastern time? And, more importantly, are prime-time audiences ready for the man’s hair? Donald Trump will be old news once the masses get a good look at the silky magnificence of Sharpton’s bouffant quasi-mullet-a hairdo so perfectly-coifed, it can’t possibly be real?

I say yes — we, as a society, are ready for a weekly dose of Al Sharpton playing the role of middle-class family man. According to reports, the show will revolve around Sharpton and his wife and kids. One very special episode will have Sharpton dealing with the fact that one of his kids has become a Republican.


Those crazy comedy writers — what will they think up next!?

But it all makes sense. This is the next logical step. Political voices in America are impossible to take seriously anymore. Why not take advantage?

I, for one, am categorically, 100 percent in favor of “Al in the Family,” and I’m looking forward to his fervid, ebullient, vivacious ramblings and his inevitable words of wisdom. You can be my surrogate father, Al.

All in favor? Please rise.

Leave a Comment

Comments (0)

We welcome feedback and dialogue from our community. However, when necessary, The Daily Utah Chronicle reserves the right to remove user comments. Posts may be removed for any of the following reasons: • Comments on a post that do not relate to the subject matter of the story • The use of obscene, threatening, defamatory, or harassing language • Comments advocating illegal activity • Posts violating copyrights or trademarks • Advertisement or promotion of commercial products, services, entities, or individuals • Duplicative comments by the same user. In the case of identical comments only the first submission will be posted. Users who habitually post comments or content that must be removed can be blocked from the comment section.
All The Daily Utah Chronicle Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *