Briefs

By By Banner Oat and By Banner Oat

By Banner Oat

Michael Young’s mansion actually parents’ basement

In what members of the administration called “a complete invasion of privacy,” The Daily Utah Chronicle discovered that U President Michael Young’s mansion is actually his parents’ basement. Young has lived in the same basement room, nestled in his parents’ three-bedroom Avenues house, since high school. The small space is covered with U football posters, scattered laundry, empty beer bottles and a calendar of “hot babes at Research Park.” Although his salary can afford him a decent mansion, Young said he prefers to live at home because of “the home-cooked meals, the free laundry and I love my mommy.”

Young’s wife and children live in a mansion next to campus and refuse to live with Young because of the poor living conditions. Young’s wife declined to comment.

U frat member first ever to win game of beer pong

A sober frat member of Alpha Chi Omega was the first person to ever win a game of beer pong in known history. The game, which is played with a ping-pong table, cups, beer and a ping-pong ball, usually ends when the final two to four drunken players give up or pass out completely.

However, Ryan Jacobs, a senior in communication, focused on staying sober for the entire night and beat all of his drunken opponents.

“It felt good, you know-actually winning something for once,” Jacobs said after the party Saturday night. “I don’t know if this actually accomplished anything, though.”

Jacobs beat his final opponent 13-6, although no one is really sure how the scoring works on beer pong. To celebrate, Jacobs got completely plastered with his buddies.

Students allegedly counterfeit Blue Books

Professors at the U and administrators at the University Campus Store are warning students against several suspects who are allegedly counterfeiting testing materials and reselling them to people across campus.

Police said a group of suspects have been selling thinner, cheaper versions of the 25 cent notebooks commonly used for finals at the U. The group has been counterfeiting the Blue Books-a booklet consisting of 10 pages stapled together-by stapling their own 10 pages together and adding a baby blue cover of construction paper.

The counterfeiters have been selling fake Blue Books for 4 cents, which is what 10 pages of paper and a page of construction paper actually cost. Campus Store administrators said the criminal activity has lost the store $5 worth of annual profits.

Warning: This article should only be read in the context of April Fool’s Day.

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