Cats have more wisdom than fortune cookies

Dear Prudence reading the news. Photo by Frances Moody / / Daily Utah Chronicle
Dear Prudence reading the news. Photo by Frances Moody / / Daily Utah Chronicle

What can I say about cats? I love them. No, I’m obsessed with them, especially if   their nametags read Dear Prudence (Poo Poo) and Sexy Sadie (Sadie). Poo Poo and Sadie are my kitties. They have spunk and pizzazz. They also tell me how to live life. Of course, they don’t actually speak or meow directions, but their actions hint toward proper behaviors. My cats’ wisdoms go beyond their intellectual abilities. In fact, they teach me every day. Without Poo Poo and Sadie, my social behaviors would be described as unusual. I could count hundreds of things I’ve learned from my cats, but here are five.
1. Men are pigs (if you’re a cat, men are dogs)
Poo Poo and Sadie are completely different. They are bound by genetics, but their personalities would say otherwise. Poo Poo, named after the Beatles’ “Dear Prudence,” is shy, timid and particular. If it weren’t for Prudence Farrow, she would have inspired the famous song. She loves girls … maybe she’s same-sex oriented (“Clueless” reference). With that said, she is afraid of men. After seeing a man, she hides. What have I learned from Poo Poo? It’s smart to be wary of the next wannabe Prince Charming, because he is most likely a street rat. Taking Poo Poo’s, advice, I usually run from men. When I don’t, they break my heart.
2. Girls need affection (if you’re a cat, you need to purr)
Sadie is the opposite of Poo Poo. Also named after a Beatles’ song, Sadie melts when a boy walks through the door. She rubs against him and follows him. When Sadie gets the chance, she pounces at him. To her, men are needed. She likes receiving attention from the opposite sex, even if they don’t fit into her species’ category. Sometimes a girl needs some extra affection. She just has to keep Poo Poo’s advice in mind.
3. “Quit Playing Games with My Heart” (if you’re a cat, don’t invade my space)
Sadie is an expert in matters of love. She has a boyfriend. He sits outside her window. That’s why his name is Peter Pan. He is an alley cat. Being an alley cat, Pan gets around. We’ve all seen “The Artistocats.” I think that explains it. Pan used to visit every night. Sadie and the feral feline would paw through the window and whimper meows of love. Then he disappeared for two months. One day, he returned. Sadie was over him. Instead of affectionately moaning at the window, she attacked it, thinking she could run right through the glass. I could just hear her silent mouth gestures saying, “Why do you build me up, buttercup?” All in all, I learned to never let a man encroach on your territory if he has betrayed you.
4. A girl needs her beauty sleep (if you’re a cat, you need 15 hours of rest each day)
Love aside, my cats have other knowledge. I usually get four hours of sleep a night. When I wake up, I have bags under my eyes that are in need of redemption via hemorrhoid cream (hint: hemorrhoid cream decreases the inflation under your eyes). To Sadie, sleep is a necessity. If she doesn’t get 15 hours of beauty sleep, she is what I call a Grumplestilskin.
5. Taking occasional breaks from studious goals is a do-or-die must (if you’re a cat, books make comfy beds)
Studying and reading is a part of life, whether you like it or not. Poo Poo and Sadie are my timers. They let me know when it’s time to stop reading. They prance on my book and curl up. In fact, the thicker novels make great resting places for them. Sometimes, having a social life is better than getting an A in a class. I guess I can settle for an A minus.
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