Arguably one of the greatest inventions of the 21st century, Instagram has proven to wealthy socialites and stay-at-home moms alike that indulging in a little narcissism every once in a while can be one of the purest forms of self-expression.
ON THE MUSIC SCENE: HOZIER PERFORMS UNIQUE CONCERT
From recounting a gorgeous holiday in Hawaii to capturing the perfect selfie, the possibilities of the app are limitless. It is an undeniable delight to flick through my feed and peek into the picturesque lives of stylish friends, revered celebrities and the glory of the fashion world. However, that doesn’t mean a scan through Instagram goes without casualties. Just as often as I gush at the good posts I find myself rolling my eyes and even murmuring an audible “ew” at some of the atrocities I come across. Here are a few examples:
Fake laughs are some of the most hilarious images on Instagram. These often arise during a reunion of a group of bland, wealthy girls just giggling at nothing, lined up in a fashion that captures the good sides of each subject. What could possibly be so funny? Why do these laughs look so unnatural?
Artsy photography can be riotous as well. These high-contrast, low-saturation expressions of “emotions” often leave me confused — why does such a prominent portion of these photographs include the model with arms pulled up like a marionette and an expressionless face? It looks like a still from a bad music video from the new wave of “indie bands.”
Although the obsessive perfectionist in me begs to differ, the meticulously displayed workspace is easily one of the worst offenders. An exciting new job or a wave of fresh creativity often prompts these photographs because, naturally, people are eager to share the excitement of their recent success. Let’s get real, if you’re spending the time to create such a beautiful disaster, your “work” must not be that important.
One thing I think most young people will agree with is the utter futility springing from pictures of people’s food. “Foodies” from across the globe have jumped on this trend, beating it to a bloody pulp in the few years since it rose to the surface. It is especially aggravating considering that, at least in my experience, most people turn to Instagram to catch up on the lives of real human beings. Nobody — and I mean nobody — cares about that curry you ordered at that cool Vietnamese joint last night. Unless it is a burger from In-N-Out, no form of food should ever be photographed.
The “shoefie” is a recent trend that has confounded me for months. Taken at head-level of the photographer, these give a wonky bird’s-eye view of the person’s torso, legs and feet. I think it arose as a means to display a snappy outfit, but goodness gracious, you guys. Just snap your photo in front of your mirror, if you’re that enthused by your ensemble. If taken with good lighting in front of a full-length mirror (read: not a bathroom), a mirror selfie can actually be pretty refreshing.
If I have to ask how in the world that photo was even taken, it probably just shouldn’t exist. I kid you not, I’ve seen “I woke up like this” captioned on an aerial photograph of an acquaintance of mine “just waking up.” Who/what the hell took that photograph? Either this kid called in his roommate to stand on a stool above his bed and take the picture of him fake yawning or he spent minutes constructing some sort of phone-suspension doohickey above his bed and setting a timer on his camera for the sole purpose of quoting Beyoncé. I guess I have to admire this kid’s dedication, but why? Just why?
My final problem with the social sphere of Instagram actually has little to do with the photos themselves and everything to do with something I like to call #HashtagAbuse. This includes (but is not limited to) hashtagging full sentences (#WhereThePoserFailsToGraspTheActualPointOfHashtagsWhichIsToLinkTheirPhotosToOtherPhotosOfSimilarStyleAndClassificationAndThatHashtagsLikeThisLeadNowhere), using punctuation (i.e. #ICan’tEven—PUNCTUATION ENDS A HASHTAG YOU GUYS), tagging random words in a sentence (Get this #look by #going to our #store), hashtag bombs (where the caption is followed by dozens of attention-seeking tags #fashion #style #ootd #blog #follow4follow #like4like #HarryStyles #etc.), and hashtagging in general. Quite honestly, there are only few instances when hashtags work, and usually they’re used ironically.
So tell me, what Instagram crimes are you guilty of?
[email protected]
@ChronyArts