Donald Trump Announces White House Decoration Plans


Following Donald Trump’s shocking election night victory two weeks ago, many people have concerns. Not one of those concerns is how the new President will decorate the White House. However, that’s what Trump chose to speak about this morning from Trump Tower in New York City.

“I can tell you this,” he said to a room of reporters. “We’re going to make the White House great again. It’s going to be so classy, believe me. I’m going to surround myself with the best furnishings. The best! I’m talking solid gold door handles, Egyptian cotton bath towels, and we’re going to replace all those founding fathers’ portraits with pictures of myself. I mean, c’mon. Look at my face. Isn’t it beautiful?”

Soon after delivering these statements, the press were dismissed after they upset Trump by asking such questions as, “Shouldn’t you be buying American cotton?” “Did your charity foundation buy all the portraits of yourself?” and “Have you ever read the story of Narcissus?”

Insiders within the Trump transition team say that he is even considering the creation of a new cabinet position, tentatively called the “Secretary of Class” whose job will be to ensure that all Federal Buildings nationwide satisfy Trump’s standards of “classiness.”

[email protected]