Race is currently at the front-and-center podium of discussion. What seems to be largely forgotten, however, is that racism is taught. A child isn’t born racist and no one seems to discuss how to speak to your children about race. This can create problems. What we need is to conduct open conversations with our children about race instead of creating a ‘colorblindness’ ideology. We shouldn’t be afraid to speak to our children. What I believe, from a white-privileged perspective, is that it’s even more important to talk to your kids about race.

We shouldn’t ignore race. Instead, point out the many different races of people. Notice color and ethnicity, especially in areas where whites are the majority race. When watching television, ask your children if they notice anything about the people. What I have noticed about television commercials especially is they will often either have a white person, a black person and an Asian person; or just a white person. Very rarely is there minority representation without a white person present. What about all the other races? Why are there only a few “boxes” people can be put into? This is a good question to ask your kids. The idea is to talk about what’s uncomfortable instead of ignoring it completely. This is complicated, but keep the conversation open.

History is another important subject to teach children. Not just in the United States, but world-wide. Currently, my 4-year-old daughter is learning about the seven continents. What I find interesting is she can name all seven, but she doesn’t know why we have seven. If you really think about it, why do we? A continent is simply a land mass surrounded by water. So why are Europe and Asia separate continents? It is arbitrary but significant. This comes from a history of whites separating people because of their skin color. Children should know this. We should teach them about slavery, segregation and the implications it has in the U.S. The fact is we come from a racist history and DO still have racism today. Why wouldn’t you want your kids to be aware of this so we can start fixing the problem instead of adding to it?

Another thing I have begun talking to my daughter about is how the media portrays race. I will ask her questions like, “How do you think it would feel if your family wasn’t depicted in books, movies, etc.? What are things you don’t see in those genres? How does it feel?” Complicate the idea behind “that’s not fair.” By pointing out the inequality we face today, you create an open dialect between you and your child. I like to relate it to ways she could someday be treated differently because of one of her identities. I know, being a woman in the military, I was outnumbered. I ask her questions about being treated differently than boys and how it makes her feel.

One of the best things I have done for my daughter is bringing her around the refugee family I work with. We have loved learning about the Congolese culture. I have enjoyed seeing her play with the children and make friends of different backgrounds. By creating this relationship, I believe it will help her to speak up if she ever sees racism because she will have friends of another race. She will have love for other races and she will be able to realize when ignorance tries to drive people apart.

The idea behind my open conversation about race with my young daughter is to open her mind. I believe by starting an honest conversation about race we can talk about (sometimes) uncomfortable topics. Race shouldn’t be taboo. We all come from different backgrounds. Why don’t we have more books, movies, toys, cartoons, etc. with people of all races? By pointing this out to your kids, I believe the rhetoric about racism can improve. Of course, we will never be able to stop those who choose to teach hate, but by ignoring the problem there will never be change.

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