There’s always something eye-catching about a film being described as “mean.” A movie can be labeled as happy or sad, conveying the emotions the audience may feel watching it. But how can a film be “unkind, spiteful or unfair?” How can a film purposely want to hurt its viewers? Mary Bronstein’s “If I Had Legs I’d Kick You,” which premiered at the 2025 Sundance Film Festival, is a prime example of a “mean” movie.
The pitch-black comedy is a deeply unpleasant experience in the best way possible. More unsettling than most modern horror films, it will have viewers covering their faces, clutching their chests and tying their legs into tight knots of discomfort. It is a film that will leave most, if not all, sick to their stomachs; for that reason, it’s one of the festival’s best movies.
Rose Byrne plays Linda, a mother and therapist whose life begins to violently fall apart. Having a daughter with a mysterious illness, a husband away for work, a manic patient and a gaping hole in her apartment ceiling, Linda begins to lose her sense of reality and herself.
Made to be Stressful
The films of the Safdie brothers, which include “Good Time” and “Uncut Gems” would be apt comparisons for “If I Had Legs I’d Kick You.” In fact, the similarities among the films seem far from coincidence given the director is married to Ronald Bronstein, the writer of the Safdie movies mentioned above.
Like those films, “If I Had Legs I’d Kick You” is chaotic and claustrophobic. The movie’s audio is layered and nearly constant. The ears are bombarded with sounds of children screaming, phones ringing, cars honking and medical devices beeping. When this maelstrom of noise isn’t present, the audience is left uneasy, waiting for the worst to occur. And more often than not, it does.
This movie is also shot entirely in mediums and close-ups. There are no wides to allow the audience a breath of fresh air. There is no escape from the horrific misfortune that swallows Linda’s life whole.
The film is laced with surreal, dreamlike imagery that tinges the story with an uncanny aura. Most of this is connected to the hole in Linda’s apartment, one particularly unnerving moment being when it appears the inside of the hole is fleshy and undulating. These scenes can be so subtle that they’ll have the viewer second-guessing what they saw. This surrealism eventually infects the plot. The last act feels disorienting and confusing as reality and fiction blur together.
Twisted Performances
Byrne gives the performance of a lifetime, displaying the full range of distress and misery the human body can show. The monumental weight sitting on Linda’s shoulders shows through Byrne’s dedicated physicality. Despite all the outlandish events of the film, Byrne’s portrayal of a mother in crisis is a bit too familiar.
The other standout of the film is Conan O’Brien as Linda’s therapist, a truly inspired piece of casting. His nonchalant, near-uncaring behavior toward Linda is equally frustrating and hilarious. One specifically disturbing monologue O’Brien has about lab rats had the theater cackling with guilty laughter. Hopefully, O’Brien will begin to appear in smaller parts similar to this.
It may seem counterintuitive to say a film so stressful is fantastic. However, “If I Had Legs I’d Kick You” is so great because of how expertly crafted it is to be unpleasant. It is a full-body experience akin to visiting a really scary haunted house or having the worst day of your life (experiences may vary).
It is a genuine test of tolerance for audiences that will take them to the brink of insanity. Perhaps it will even make viewers view their own lives more fondly following the film. While it’s not easy to recommend, “If I Had Legs I’d Kick You” is a well-made trial through the fire of motherhood for those willing to accept it.
