The Daily Utah Chronicle

Passenger assaults man at TRAX station

February 9, 2006

Nickolaus Holgate was booked into jail yesterday afternoon for aggravated assault against a 32-year-old male on campus at the Stadium TRAX station platform around 1:30 p.m. An ambulance transported the victim to the U Hospital for cuts and bruises on the face, said Sgt.

Meyer reaching out to the entire student body

By By Archibald Keen • April 1, 2004

It's all about reaching out to the student body for U football coach Urban Meyer. In his first year at the U, Meyer instilled a new tradition where the team would have to sing the fight song with the students after every home victory. This season, he decided to let two student body members try out and make the team as part of the kickoff coverage squad.

Jeff Blake is not 34

By By Cheap Jewstein • April 1, 2004

The Nationalistic Chronic has learned that journeyman NFL quarterback Jeff Blake is in fact older than his given age of 34. "He tries to act like he's all down with us, but he ain't. We know it. In the locker room he'll listen to some Fitty-Citty or Beyonc, but then he rolls up into his 1988 Chrysler LeBaron and pops in a CD by The Fixx.

It’s time to destroy campus buildings and organizations

By By Optimistic Ollie • April 1, 2004

There is a large variety of departments and organizations on campus at the U that are an extremely large waste of money. These organizations, which I will identify below, should be permanently closed in an effort to reduce tuition. These people and places are worthless and contribute nothing to the community and many of them take away from the U at large.

I think George W. is cool, and so should you

By By Monakah Liwynskie • April 1, 2004

I really feel like George W. Bush and I have a lot in common.He likes baseball and I do, too.He's in the oil industry and I use oil in my car.He sometimes mixes up his words and so does my little brother.Cute.Sometimes I can't find my keys, just like he can't seem to find those elusive weapons of mass destruction.

Spandex Man dares you to be bored this weekend

March 31, 2004

Is it hard to find a reason to get out of bed these days? Do you suffer from what professionals call severe acute-lazy-ass-wiener syndrome? Well, suck it up because there's always something to do in Utah. One activity to check out this weekend is The Canyons' annual pond-skimming contest and reggae festival, taking place this Saturday, April 3.

Cause becomes more costly for animal activist

February 26, 2004

The U responded last week with a $299 price tag to freshman Jeremy Beckham's request for primate experimentation details. Last August, Beckham, head of the Utah Primate Freedom Project, began asking for documents detailing the experiments currently conducted on the hundreds of macaques, baboons and marmosets at the U.