When I chose to write a baseless, argumentative column on women who unwittingly associate themselves with royalty, an unusual thing happened. My juvenile idea to poke at those select “princesses” we all know suddenly became more material than I thought possible.
Like a slap in the night, I figured out what really lies beneath the phenomenon of many women who flirt with the famed “princess attitude.” A princess may have difficultly in accepting this fact, but it’s spawned by nothing less than superficiality and narcissism.
This idea will probably fall on deaf ears because possessing the “princess attitude” is something that most women would never admit to. It seems to be one of those more private longings-a fantasy of the subconscious, one which is more easily recognized by behaviors and attitudes than by confessions.
The catchphrase “sugar and spice and all that’s nice” embodies what is taught to boys about the nature of girls. This image of the female gender is reinforced by society, which paints women as the more selfless, sophisticated and wholesome gender.
Then there are men-those dirty, dirty men. Society implies that most men are shallow creatures, wanting only instant gratification. The proliferated image of the male gender tells us that they are the quintessence of superficiality and egoism.
No matter how unfair these slightly exaggerated stereotypes appeared, they always seemed true, until I remembered how women and men live under contrasting paradigms.
While there may not be numerous studies that suggest this, there are thousands of people who would attest that men are more visual and action-orientated, while women are more emotionally orientated. This assumption lies at the heart of the argument.
Sure, men tend to be superficial and egotistical, but women do too, only in different ways. This tendency is easy to spot in men. But because of our cultural programming, it is more difficult to identify in women.
I will not argue that men are not often guilty of arrogance, selfishness or insensitivity. Nor will I lie and say men don’t tend to preoccupy themselves with a woman’s appearance. Of course men struggle with their share of these pitfalls. There’s no hiding from these facts-it’s obvious.
Not so obvious, however, is the egotistic tendency in women. This tendency is often evident in women who fantasize with different levels of the “princess attitude.” This attitude is revealed by their obsessive concern with the status of their own emotions.
They don’t care if their “needs” come at the expense of others. They care only if their associations make them look and feel beautiful, dignified or validated.
Perhaps most despicable, princesses sometimes use their supposed charm and beauty to gain leverage in relationships.
Frankly, princesses can be downright and subtly manipulative. Don’t these princesses understand that their self-imposed sense of royalty inherently puts others down? Logic says that in order for one to be above, others must be below.
That’s the scoop on royalty. The desire to better one’s comparative status is at the core of egoism. Some say that relationships become more fulfilling and satisfying if egoism is defeated or at least reduced. I like to think that’s true.
Those same people would say that men who fail to overcome their physical, superficial tendencies wallow in silent misery, never obtaining real fulfillment. I’m sure that similar consequences would await women who fail to overcome their shallow tendencies as well.
So, let’s do those cherished princesses a favor. Let’s not feed their fantasies by submitting to their imposed sovereignty. If they continue to live in a state of emotional superficiality, all their relationships will probably end in disappointment.
Superficiality and egoism are like diseases. They affect everyone, both male and female.
But, herein lies the rub: When someone tries to identify these flaws in women, denials will fly and he will inevitably be hung out to dry.
I just hope I won’t be hanging for too long.
