Being a transplanted Bostonian with ADD living in Utah, I get bored pretty easily, especially driving between my place downtown and my parents’ house in Sandy.
Thankfully, I’ve come up with several fun games that I can play to occupy my time while stuck in rush hour traffic on I-15.
I’m reluctant to share these with anybody, let alone 30,000 people, but I value my readers, and so want them to also not be bored while driving.
With that in mind, I give you the First Annual List of Games You Can Play On The Highway Or Anywhere Else A Car Is Involved When You’re Bored, or the FALOGYCPOTHOAEACIIWYB, for short.
1. Hot Girl On The Highway: This game is actually the most fun to play. All it takes is four lanes of congestion. While creeping along at 15 miles an hour, casually glance out your window into the neighboring vehicle and determine if said driver is hot or not. Bonus points for maneuvering your vehicle to alongside a car to get to a hot driver. Double bonus points if the driver looks back. Points are distributed based on the duration of eye contact and hotness of the driver. Points are lost if the hot girl’s boyfriend gives you the finger. Suggested ages: 16 and up. Players: 1. For a variation on a theme, try “Hot Guy On The Highway”.
2. How Many Hummers: This game is actually one that started back East, but it works better out here for some reason. Simply begin keeping track of the number of Hummers you pass from point of origin to point of destination. You can also categorize by color, make or model. My record high is 38 from Salt Lake City to Las Vegas. Bonus points for number of crude Hummer jokes made. For example: “38 Hummers in five hours. Bill Clinton, eat your heart out,” would be worth 20 bonus points. Suggested ages: 18 and up. Players: 1-2.
3. Vanity Plate Scrabble: This one requires slow-moving traffic that allows a driver to switch lanes sporadically. Simply begin by finding a vehicle with a vanity plate (e.g. PMPCHEF, ELVISLIVES, UTAHCUTEE, PLAYA). After finding about 10 or so vanity plates, the idea is to formulate as many words as possible based on the letters derived from the plates. Suggested ages: 12 and up. Players: 2 or more, unless you have collision insurance and plan on getting in a wreck.
4. Highway Karaoke: This one works best on warm days, when car windows can be lowered. All you need is a kicking system and a knowledgeable repertoire of musical aptitude. Find a song and begin singing along to it. This game works best in bumper-to-bumper traffic so neighboring drivers can accompany on backing vocals. I recommend starting slowly: gangster rap or power ballads from ’80s hair bands work best. My favorites: “Once Bitten, Twice Shy” and “Straight Outta Compton.” Bonus points for steering-wheel drum solos and cruise control guitar jams. Bonus points also if you can get other drivers to sing along with you. Also, bonus points can be given for creative incorrect lyrics. Please subtract bonus points if you’re a white guy singing rap at the top of your lungs. Nobody wants to hear that. Suggested ages: 13 and up, depending on which songs are being played. Players: 1-4.
Please note that I’m not responsible for any traffic laws that may be broken as a result of the aforementioned vehicular recreational outlets.
