Disclaimer: The following article is published as part of our annual satirical April Fool’s Day issue. Please don’t believe any of it, and please don’t sue us. Thanks.
In an attempt to come up with the new fall lineup of sitcoms and reality TV shows, television network executives have finally heard the general masses and taken their wishes into consideration.
“We are all about the audience, yeah?We’re willing to listen to the little people,” said Bill Pro Ducer, a spokesman for the for the WB.
“We’ll give them what they want.”
According to surveys conducted in the past year, Americans are not interested in programs that feature characters and situations not related to the average person’s life.
Some of the shows that have gotten negative responses include “E.R.,” “That ’70s Show” and “Everwood.”
“I mean, who’s actually a doctor these days, especially a young, female, Indian doctor? I get that the Clooney guy’s character-he’s the white American male-but the other characters are just too fictional to be believable,” said one TV viewer, Man Lee Hombre.
Another complaint has been over more technical aspects of the television shows.
A group of teenagers complained from a basement in which they regularly chill out and do nothing, that “That ’70s Show” is too outdated and presents an inaccurate depiction of teenage life.
Many complaints have come from Utah concerning “Everwood” and its location of filming.
“I do not know where they dig up that pathetically monotonous and dry setting for the show. Is it Iraq or something?” questioned Utah resident Molly Moe.
The networks seem to have gotten the public’s message loud and clear.
Among the new shows making their debut in the upcoming season are “Homies,” a “Friends” spinoff, and “Touched by a Catholic Priest,” a new Christian take on television, replacing the “Touched by an Angel” reruns.
A more local TV channel has followed the examples of the national networks.
“We want to represent the unique situation of our state’s population, but at the same time provide quality entertainment,” said Joe Sephsmyth, a spokesman for KBYU.
Sephsmyth and his team have created an exciting lineup of shows that promises to be of interest to the average Utahn.
“We are really excited about our reality shows, ‘Black Eye for the Queer Guy,’ a more realistic approach of dealing with homosexuals and ‘Revelation Thailand,’ depicting our steady missionary influence across the seas,” Sephsmyth said.
Sephsmyth and his team have also hoped to profit from the void left by “Sex and the City,” with their new show “Virginity and the Valley,” a new series about four successful and sassy women, making Jell-O and sharing tips of scrapbooking.
Some of the other shows being developed include “The Brighams,” set to air on FOX, only in Utah, following “The Simpsons,” “The Recently Returned Missionary,” back-to back-with “The Bachelorette,” and “Total Repent Live” for the younger audience.
