The running of the Calendar

April 14Thursday

Calendar’s childhood is a little blurred: we remember our fourth birthday party at the McDonald’s playpen. We remember that degenerate clown asking us if we wanted a birthday present. We remember him telling us that it was at the bottom of the ball pit. And then we remember telling him that “No Means No,” once, then twice, and then we don’t remember anything else. No Means No plays Burt’s Tiki Lounge (728 S. State St.) tonight at 9 p.m. ‘Tiki’ts are $12, 21 and older.

“Going greek” for intellectual stimulation, drinking from Lil’ Jon’s pimp-goblet (and expecting not to wake up next to him and an Emu), trying to bum smokes in front of the Huntsman Cancer Institute, bandwagon Boston Red Sox fans, and takin’ Calendar for some kind of fool: all things that are incredibly stupid, as opposed to Slightly Stoopid, who’re playing Park City’s Suede (1612 Ute Blvd. at Kimball Junction) tonight at 8 p.m. Tickets are $15 from Smith’sTix; 21 and older.

And speaking of the Huntsman Cancer Institute-they want to know: How do you feel…about…balls? Do you like balls? Do you have any balls? Not just balls, but do you have the right balls? Because if you like balls, and your balls are one of the right balls, you could take home the prize, baby! Today from 4 p.m. to 5:30 p.m. on President’s Circle, the Huntsman Cancer Institute presents the Running of the Balls! It starts when you shell out $5 for a numbered tennis ball-not such a huge load for such a good cause, really-before your ball is lined up and raced against other numbered tennis balls. The best, fastest balls win prizes! May the best balls win!

Kind of ironic that the Women’s Resource Center is calling its rally/march for awareness and empowerment against women “Take Back The Night,” going on tonight at the Women’s Resource Center from 7-9 p.m. Especially when there’s…

College Night drink specials at the Cabana Club (31 E. 400 South) and Cheers To You (315 S. Main): you figure it out.

Other kinds of irony: the Radar Brothers, playing Kilby Court (741 S. 330 West) tonight at 7 p.m. are virtually unknown and off the radar of anybody we know.

Finally, if the remake of “The Manchurian Candidate” starring Denzel “This is mandatory” Washington sucked any more, ASUU’s F-R-E-E Film Series would be called the “ASUU Pays U To Watch This Awful Movie Film Series.” Instead, they’ll be showing it for…wait for it…F-R-E-E tonight at 8 p.m. at the Post Theatre (adjacent to Fort Douglas).