The English language forces us to define ourselves by what we are not. For example, if I am a short female, then I am not tall and not male.
Our language depends on binaries like these to create meaning: left is not right, sun is not moon, up is not down, and white is not black. The problem with this way of creating meaning is that it limits the ways we can define ourselves. If I am one thing, then according to our language, I can’t be the other.
What I am particularly concerned with is that we create expectations according to these binaries. Females are expected to be feminine. So what does it mean if I cut my fingernails short, never wear makeup and don’t own a dress? Am I not feminine and therefore not a female?
Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? And although I don’t want to delve too deeply into the biological definitions of female and male, suffice it to say that there are no two body types exactly alike or, in this case, exactly opposite from one another. So how did we all get so quickly and carelessly lumped into two such limited categories?
This week we have the opportunity to break away from those limited definitions and expectations. The U’s Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Resource Center is observing National Coming Out Day by hosting a series of PRIDE events that could help us better understand the huge space between the male/female, masculine/feminine and gay/straight binaries.
What I hope is that all U students will take advantage of this opportunity to see that none of us fit perfectly into any of the categories our language or our culture create for us-instead, all of us fit into the space in between.
What I fear is that many students will decide not to attend the events for exactly the same reason. For them, letting go of the false security that binaries create is too difficult and too scary.
We’re taught from a young age, perhaps even before we begin speaking, that there are always only two choices between what we can be, and usually the decision is made for us. Doctors decide what sex we are, culture decides how we should act according to the gender we’ve been assigned and parents enforce those decisions.
Parents dress girls in pink and boys in blue. They reward the girls when they sit quietly and wear feminine clothing and encourage the boys to be assertive and to hold back their tears. This, in effect, becomes who we are and what we understand, and unfortunately many people carry it into their adult lives.
So go to one of the events this week. See that who is pink and quiet can also be blue and assertive. See that who or what is masculine can also be feminine. Shatter all those expectations you were taught to use to define your world and see that you don’t fit entirely into any category, but instead, like all of us, find pieces of yourself in each of them.
