See No’ films like this

“See No Evil”

Lionsgate Films

Directed by Gregory Dark

Written by Dan Madigan

Starring: Glen Jacobs, Christina Vidal, Steven Vidler, Samantha Noble, Michael J. Pagan and Luke Pegler

Rated R/100 minutes

Opened May 19, 2006

One out of four stars

God can’t catch a break at the movies these days. Killing in his name is all the rage, whether you’re a self-flagellating albino monk walloping nuns upside the head or, like in “See No Evil,” you’re a World Wrestling Entertainment wrestler-turned-actor plucking eyeballs from wicked, horny teenagers.

Why can’t movie characters do anything constructive or uplifting or non-exorcising in God’s name-maybe build a church or manage a bake sale?

Oh, yeah. Because that would be boring.

But then again, anything would be more interesting than this horrifically derivative star-vehicle for Glen Jacobs, aka “Kane,” aka “Don’t Quit Your Day Job.” He stomps around the aptly named Blackwell Hotel, slaughtering the usual crew of motley delinquents who have been charged to fix up the joint.

Call me a defeatist, but Blackwell is beyond repair-everything from the walls to the dishes is encrusted with black, odorous, gin-u-wine Evil. Mmm-mmm! Taste the insanity!

Kane plays the tortured psychopath like a 7-foot-tall sack of rotting meat. In other words, his performance stinks, but in a curiously aromatic way that makes you wish the rest of the cast members stunk that badly, instead of merely occupying space until their respective gory death scenes.

Worst way to go? How about the girl who hangs from a window, bleeding at the wrists, while hungry dogs chow-down on her intestinal gravy train?

“See No Evil” has this and more-much more. Distance yourself from anyone who claims to have enjoyed it.

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